Recently, a client shared that she was struggling with low energy. As we explored what might be contributing to it, a pattern emerged: she was giving so much of herself to others that she wasn’t leaving enough for herself. She was generous with her time, attention, and support and made herself available when colleagues needed her. Her generosity came from a positive place, but over time, some of that giving had shifted from something that felt meaningful and energizing to something that left her feeling depleted. Her coaching session surfaced a key question: Was she giving too much?

Her experience also raises some important questions for leaders to reflect on:

• Is it always better to give than to receive? If so, can generosity go too far?
• What’s the relationship between giving and energy?
• How can we stay generous while preserving the energy to lead and show up at our best?

These questions matter in organizations—but they also apply to how we show up in our communities, friendships, and families.

What Does the Research Tell Us?

In his book Give and Take, organizational psychologist Adam Grant describes three ways people tend to approach their interactions with others:

1. Givers look for opportunities to help without necessarily expecting something in return.
2. Takers tend to focus more on what others can do for them.
3. Matchers seek reciprocity—trying to maintain a relatively even balance between giving and receiving.

We might assume that givers are the most successful. But Grant’s research reveals something more interesting: givers can be found among both the most and least successful people in organizations.

So, what separates the givers who thrive from those who struggle?

It isn’t that successful givers stop giving or become matchers. They find ways to be generous without sacrificing themselves in the process. This requires self-management—the ability to be intentional about their time, priorities, boundaries, and energy while still being responsive to others. They give their time, knowledge, connections, and support, but they are also thoughtful about how, when, and to whom they give. They recognize that not all giving is the same.

Some giving can be energizing. It can create meaning, deepen relationships, help someone grow, and help us see the impact we are having. Other giving can become depleting—particularly when we are continually available, repeatedly put others’ priorities ahead of our own, or give in ways that leave too little time and energy to focus on where we can have the greatest impact.

The Leadership Lesson

Leadership is a privilege and a responsibility—and it requires generosity. Strong leaders develop people, listen, share credit, open doors, offer support, and invest in the success of others.

Effective leaders practice self-management: they make conscious choices about where and how they invest their time and energy.

The goal isn’t to give less or to keep score. It’s to give more thoughtfully—in ways that strengthen others while preserving our own capacity to lead and contribute.

And while Grant’s research focuses largely on the workplace, the same tension exists in our communities, friendships, and families: How do we care deeply for others without continually depleting ourselves?

Leadership Thought Questions

• Where does your giving energize you, strengthen others, and have the greatest impact?
• Where does it deplete you?
• Where might your generosity unintentionally prevent someone else from stepping up or growing?
• Where could setting a boundary help you give more effectively without depleting yourself?

Additional Resources

• Click here to watch: Adam Grant’s 13-minute TED Talk, Are You a Giver or a Taker?
• Click here to discover whether you are a giver, taker, or matcher with Adam Grant’s interactive self-assessment.
• Click here to learn more: Adam Grant’s book Give and Take offers a deeper look at the research on generosity, reciprocity, and success.