David Rock and Dan Siegel share their perspective on how to live a more balanced life via The Healthy Mind Platter, for Optimal Brain Matter. That is how to step into a more mindful way of being and away from the sometimes overwhelming aspects of life – including information overload, multi-tasking, and fragmented attention.
Ouch! What to Do When Feedback Comes from the Cesspool of Humanity
As professionals, most of us are open to feedback. We know it’s one of the ways to learn how others perceive us and with that information, how can might adapt and grow. But what happens when you hear feedback that is not helpful? As a coach and facilitator, like many of my executive clients, I’ve experienced the helpful, constructive feedback and unfortunately, from time to time, the mean spirited, ouch that hurts, and isn’t going to help me be a better person feedback. What to do? Hear Brene Brown’s advice …. it’s short, sweet, and right on the money.
Theodore Roosevelt: The Man in the Arena
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
The Happiness Formula: How to Increase Your Happiness
“The Most Important Things in Life … Aren’t Things.”
H = S + C + V
H = Happiness
S = Set Point in the brain: Determines 50% of happiness. It’s our own personal way of looking at the world, for example, a problem to be solved, an opportunity to experience. Includes joy and creativity. Some people might say the bad news is that it is shaped by your 1st three years of childhood (hopefully you didn’t experience too much criticism, complaining and blame). Unhappy people see problems, while happy people see opportunities. The good news is that you can reset your set point through meditation (self reflection and changing your self limiting beliefs).
C = Conditions of Living: Determines 10-12% and mostly influenced by material success and personal wealth. It’s important but not that important….If you’re really rich and think about money all the time, or you’re really poor and think about money all the time, you score the same here.
V = Voluntary Choices we make on a daily basis: Determines 40% and breaks into two areas: personal pleasure and fulfillment. The pleasure eventually exhausts itself but there is tendency to get hooked, e.g., addiction.
- Personal Pleasure: typically doesn’t last more than 2 or 3 days. Includes things like shopping, food, entertainment, and sex.
- Fulfillment: Linked to purpose and meaning. a). Express your creativity, b). Find meaning and purpose (express your dharma), and c). Make someone else happy. Making someone else happy is one of the fastest ways to increase your happiness. Try using the 3 A’s approach: Attention (listen); Appreciate (notice uniqueness while letting person know you care about them); and Affection.
Key take aways: while our “S,” that is our Setpoint for Happiness is determined by the first three years of our life, we can improve it through meditation and that material things don’t provide lasting happiness – relationships do, so go out and find a way to make someone else happy, and in the end, you will increase your overall level of well being. Email me if you’d like more information about meditation.
The following content was based on Deepak Chopra’s seminar Super Brain: Unleashing the Explosive Power of Your Mind (July 26-28, 2013)
Creativity: Are You Vulnerable Enough to Take the Risk To Fail?
Brene Brown and Oprah discuss courage, the ability to share your whole story, the ego, Brown refers to as the “hustler,” and living in a scarcity cutlure – the feeling that I’m not good enough, rich enough, safe enough, liked enough, promoted enough – and ultimately, I am not enough. They end their discussion by saying that in order to create and innovate, we must be open enough to take the risk to fail.
How to Not Take It Personally
“Observation without evaluation is the highest form of intelligence.”
– J. Krishnamurti 1895-1986, Awarded 1984 UN Peace Medal
Do you ever find yourself feeling hurt by something someone said to you? Well, if it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone. This is an issue that many of us, including myself struggle with and in recent months, executive clients have brought this concern to their coaching sessions.
Is it possible to take things less personally? Yes, it is.
After my client and I agree that “not taking anything personally” will be one of their coaching goals, I often ask them to read the book The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. He explains that nothing others do to us is because of us; in fact, it is because of them. He even says that taking things personally is the maximum expression of selfishness because we are making the assumption that it is about us. And that when we honor the agreement of not taking anything personally, we will suffer less. You might want to read it yourself – interestingly enough, this book is required reading for some high schools.
The other thing I do is ask my clients to take a behaviorally-based assessment tool called DISC. This assessment demonstrates how individuals have a unique behavioral/communications style based on a blend of four areas. During the debriefing process, my client learns about their own style, how to read the styles’ of others and ultimately how to adapt for better communication, something called “situational leadership.” We often learn that when my client is in conflict with someone, it is because their styles are different. Again, the overall message is simple, because people have different styles, what they say or do, has little to do with us – it is really about them. We can observe how other people behave and understand that behavioral styles are different, neutral (not good or bad), and ultimately, not internalize the experience with the other person.
And for my clients who are open to it, I recommend yoga, sometimes referred to as “meditation in movement.” On a personal note, one of the benefits I’ve experienced from practicing Yoga is that once I connect inward and clear my mind from distractions, I feel more centered about who I am and less concerned about what others think of me. This is often echoed by the powerful voice of my teacher Denise as she repeats, “Be who you are; don’t be who other people tell you are; and build your own house of emotional and physical strength.”
If you’d like to receive your complimentary DISC report, feel free to contact me.