I hope this finds you well and that you are enjoying this lovely spring weather!
Last week, I had the pleasure of listening to Charles Duhigg discuss the science of supercommunication on my favorite podcast, Ten Percent Happier, As I listened to Duhigg, I became intrigued by his concept of supercommunication and the research behind it, which led me to purchase his new book, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Language of Connection.
Duhigg describes a supercommunicator as someone who has deeply thought about how to communicate and excels at:
- Making others feel listened to, understood, and leaving them feeling better after the conversation.
- Engaging in conversation, establishing flow, and inviting others to participate.
- Breaking through and establishing connections even in the most unlikely of situations.
He goes on to say that supercommunicators aren’t born; they are made. Anyone committed to learning the skills can become a supercommunicator, whether at work or at home. Ronald Reagan and Steve Jobs serve as examples of great communicators who didn’t start out that way but learned to master the art of supercommunication. Additionally, no particular personality type makes someone a better communicator than another; it’s simply a learned skill.
Summarized below are some tips on how become a supercommunicator.
When communicating, we typically engage in one or a combination of three types of conversations: practical, emotional, and social. The key is to ‘match’ your communication style with the individuals you’re interacting with. This concept from Duhigg really resonated with me because I hadn’t previously considered it, yet it makes perfect sense!
- Practical conversations focus on decision-making, planning, or problem-solving. What is this really about?
- Emotional conversations involve understanding and sharing emotions. How do we feel?
- Social conversations explore identity, relationships, societal beliefs, and personal experiences that shape who we are. Who are we? Where did we grow up? What do we do?
There are four rules for having a meaningful conversation.
- Pay attention to the type of conversation taking place. Is it a practical, emotional, or social conversation?
- Share your goals and inquire about the goals of the others involved.
- Ask about others’ feelings and share your own, when appropriate.
- Explore whether identities are relevant to the discussion. This is particularly relevant during social conversations. Acknowledging each party’s differences helps understand each other better.
Learn how to ask the right kinds of deep questions.
- Supercommunicators ask 10-20 times more questions than the average person.
- Ask deep questions that show interest in the other person’s values, beliefs, or experiences.
- Deep questions don’t need to seem so deep. For example, you can ask, “What did you make of that?” Or “What was that like?” And you can encourage more conversation, by simply saying, “Tell me more”.
Learn and practice the skill of listening for understanding or looping (checking back with the other person to see if you have listened and understood correctly).
- Demonstrate active listening to prove that you are engaged. This can be achieved by paraphrasing, reflecting on what you’ve heard, asking deep questions, summarizing in your own words, and confirming understanding.
- When we listen to someone without interrupting, it releases dopamine in the speaker’s brain. This fosters a sense of connection and increases the likelihood that they will be receptive to what you have to say.
- Shift from self-focus to other focus, emphasizing the importance of empathy. By prioritizing understanding and consideration for others, we foster deeper connections and mutual understanding.
- Click here to take a deeper dive and learn more about the practice of “looping”.
Master the art of good story telling.
- Ensure that every story includes a beginning, middle and end. Often, we overlook the middle part, resulting in an ineffective story.
- The arch in the middle is crucial; it’s where the magic happens. It provides the listener with an opportunity to learn something and see the idea in action.
Additional resources with links to explore further.
- Click here to learn more about the book ‘Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Language of Connection’ by Charles Duhigg.
- Click here for The Science of Effective Communication with Charles Duhigg on Ten Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris (70 minutes)
- Click here with Charles Duhigg on Supercommunicators on A Bit of Optimism Podcast with Simon Sinek (29 minutes)
- Click here for How Supercommunicators Unlock the Secrets of Connection with Charles Duhigg and Stanford Graduate School of Business lecturer Matt Abrahams (35 minutes)
- Click here to read How to Have More Meaningful Conversations by Charles Duhigg in Time Magazine (5 minutes)
- Click here for Charles Duhigg and Supercommunicators on NPR with Scott Detrow (9 minutes)