What Neuroscience Can Teach Us about Leadership, Belonging, and Well-Being

We often think of social connection as something that is a nice-to-have—good for morale, culture, and perhaps engagement. Yet neuroscience suggests it is much more fundamental than that.

Ben Rein, PhD, Stanford neuroscientist and author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection, explores how deeply our brains and bodies are wired for human interaction—and what can happen when we don’t get enough of it.

His work raises important questions for leaders: In a world that is becoming increasingly efficient, digital, and automated, are we unintentionally designing human connection out of everyday life—and work? And what is the impact on our communities, cultures, and well-being as we experience less human interaction? 

A Small Moment That Made Me Think

Recently, I went to my neighborhood bank to exchange dollars for euros. Instead of completing the transaction with a service representative, I was encouraged to go home and make the exchange online, where I would receive a discount.

It was certainly more efficient. But I found myself unexpectedly disappointed. As someone who works from home, I had been looking forward to the interaction—the brief conversation with another person, the exchange of pleasantries, the simple experience of being out in the world.

That moment underscored a simple but often overlooked truth: small interactions matter. A conversation with a colleague. A few minutes of conversation before a meeting. Saying hello to someone in the hallway. Talking with a barista. Asking someone how their weekend really was.

Researchers sometimes refer to these as micro-interactions. Individually, they may seem insignificant. Collectively, they contribute to our sense of connection to the world around us. Increasingly, however, technology is removing these small but meaningful human exchanges. For leaders, this is worth paying attention to.

The Big Idea: We Are Wired for Connection

One of Rein’s central messages is remarkably simple: Chatting with people is one of the most powerful things we can do for our brains—and it costs nothing. Positive social interactions engage powerful biological systems involving oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, and the brain’s reward pathways.

On the flip side, a lack of regular social interaction, particularly over prolonged periods, can activate the body’s stress response, contributing to increased cortisol and inflammation and potentially leaving us less resilient when other physical or psychological stressors arise.

What This Means for Leaders

The implications extend beyond individual well-being. Reduced social connection can have real business consequences—affecting trust, collaboration, engagement, innovation, and retention. When employees feel less connected to one another and to the organization, the cost can show up in how effectively they work together, solve problems, share ideas, and choose to stay.

Given these potential consequences, leaders have a responsibility to shape the environments in which employees spend a significant portion of their lives. In our efforts to make work faster, more flexible, and more efficient, we should also consider what may inadvertently disappear—and whether the efficiencies we gain in the short term could come at a longer-term cost to performance.

1. Don’t Optimize Every Human Interaction Away

Technology can make processes and workflows more efficient—and that’s often a good thing. But the potential cost of reducing or eliminating human interaction needs to be considered.

A five-minute conversation before a meeting, walking over to someone’s desk instead of sending another message, or calling someone rather than adding another email to their inbox may appear inefficient.

From a human perspective, however, those moments can be valuable.

Leadership question: Where might we be optimizing for efficiency at the expense of human connection?

2. Micro-Interactions Count

Connection doesn’t always require an offsite retreat, happy hour, team dinner, or elaborate event (all those count too!).

A genuine greeting matters. So does remembering something someone told you, checking in after a difficult meeting, or taking two minutes to connect rather than rushing past someone.

These small interactions can accumulate into something much larger: the feeling that I am seen here—and that I matter.

3. Connection Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All

People vary significantly in how much social interaction they find energizing. Some people thrive with frequent contact. Others need considerably more solitude.

That distinction matters, particularly when leading across different work environments—in person or hybrid—or when working with introverts and extraverts.

The goal is to create opportunities for connection without prescribing exactly what connection should look like or how much someone needs.

4. Upgrade an Interaction When You Can: Text → Phone → Video → In Person

Not every message needs to become a meeting. But some interactions benefit from richer forms of communication.

As communication becomes richer, we gain access to tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and countless subtle cues our brains use to understand one another.

When something is sensitive, emotional, ambiguous, or relationally important, consider moving it up a level.

I’m always pleasantly surprised by how warmly people respond when I pick up the phone to call rather than send an email or text.

5. We Underestimate How Much Others Crave Connection, Too

Research suggests we’re often poor predictors of how social interactions will go.

We anticipate awkwardness. We worry about rejection. We assume someone doesn’t want to be interrupted.

Yet interactions with strangers and acquaintances often turn out to be more positive than we expect.

Leaders can help normalize connection simply by having the confidence to initiate it and model that behavior for others. Ask the extra question. Offer the compliment. Invite someone into the conversation. Stay for another minute.

The Leadership Takeaway

We spend a lot of time thinking about how leaders drive performance, execute strategy, manage change, and increase productivity.

Yet we also need to spend a little more time thinking about something much more basic:

• Do our teams have opportunities to laugh together?
• Do people feel noticed?
• Do we make time for conversations that don’t have an agenda?
• Do people feel comfortable reaching out?
• And as AI, automation, remote work, self-service technology, and digital communication continue to reshape our lives, are we preserving enough opportunities for people simply to connect?

The future of work will undoubtedly become more technologically sophisticated, making one very old-fashioned leadership capability even more valuable: being present and connecting with another human being.

Additional Resources

• Click here to listen to the podcast The Neuroscience of Likeability, Social Connection, and Brain Health with Ben Rein on 10% with Dan Harris (August 10, 2026, one hour).
• Click here to learn more about Ben Rein, Ph.D., neuroscientist, science communicator, and author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection.

As an executive leadership coach, I spend much of my time helping clients think through challenges so they can do their best work. Lately, one theme has consistently emerged in our coaching conversations: many talented people don’t feel psychologically safe enough to do their best work.

Nearly a decade ago, in my book Show Up as Your Best Self: Mindful Leadership, Meditation, and More, I defined a mindful leader as someone who brings out the best in themselves and others by consistently showing up present, grounded, and compassionate—especially in challenging situations.

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that another essential way leaders bring out the best in themselves and others is by creating psychological safety. Leaders who do their own inner work, remain attuned to others, and self-manage create an environment where colleagues feel psychologically safe—that is, comfortable speaking up, asking questions, sharing ideas, admitting mistakes, and respectfully challenging one another without fear of embarrassment, retaliation, or harm to their relationships or careers.

Establishing psychological safety is one of the clearest expressions of mindful leadership in any setting.

Consider a leadership team discussing a high-stakes strategic decision. A subject matter expert on the team sees a significant risk that others have overlooked but hesitates to speak up, worried about being viewed as negative or undermining the group’s momentum. Another team member notices a flaw in the implementation plan but stays silent after seeing a colleague dismissed in a previous meeting.

So How Do Mindful Leaders Intentionally Create Psychological Safety?

I recently heard Dr. Amir Levine, a Columbia-trained psychiatrist and neuroscientist and coauthor of Attached and Secure, describe a framework called CARRP for building secure relationships. Although it was originally developed in the context of close personal relationships, I believe its principles translate remarkably well to leadership in every setting. In fact, I see them as practical leadership behaviors that help create the psychological safety that allows people, groups, and organizations to thrive.

Levine describes secure relationships as providing a —a foundation that allows people to take risks, solve problems, and grow because they trust someone has their back. Effective leaders commit to doing the inner work to create a secure base wherever they lead.

One practical way to do this is through Levine’s CARRP framework, which describes five behaviors that foster secure relationships:

• Consistent: Show up reliably over time. Behave in ways people can count on.
• Available: Be accessible when people need support.
• Responsive: Listen carefully and respond thoughtfully.
• Reliable: Follow through on commitments. Do what you say you’ll do.
• Predictable: Reduce unnecessary uncertainty through clear communication and steady leadership.

Mindfulness Is the Inner Work; CARRP Is Its Outward Expression

Mindful leadership begins with leaders doing their own inner work—self-managing their thoughts, emotions, and reactions so they consistently show up present, grounded, and compassionate, especially in challenging situations. When leaders demonstrate CARRP behaviors—being consistent, available, responsive, reliable, and predictable—they create psychological safety and a secure base from which people, teams, and organizations can thrive. In that kind of environment, people think more clearly, collaborate more effectively, take healthy risks, make better decisions, and ultimately do their best work.

For more information, click here to listen to the podcast The Tiny Daily Habit That Rewires Your Brain for Better Relationships with Amir Levine on 10% with Dan Harris (June 15, 2026; one hour 10 minutes).

…one of the take-home lessons of Buddhist philosophy is that feelings just are.

If we accepted their arising and subsiding as part of life,

rather than reacting to them as if they were deeply meaningful,

we’d often be better off.

Learning to do that is a big part of what mindfulness meditation is all about.

– Robert Wright, Why Buddhism is True, p. 27. 

Understanding your nervous system and emotional regulation is becoming increasingly relevant to how we lead, perform, and recover under pressure.

Dr. Kevin J. Tracey, president and CEO of the Feinstein Institutes for Medical Research and a pioneer in vagus nerve research, shares a compelling perspective on the body’s major two-way superhighway: the vagus nerve, a network of 200,000 fibers coordinating critical functions throughout your body and performing specialized jobs to keep you healthy. In his latest book, The Great Nerve: The New Science of the Vagus Nerve and How to Harness Its Healing Reflexes, Tracey explores how this complex system connects your brain to vital organs, helping regulate heart rate, inflammation, and overall balance in the body.

The Big Idea

The vagus nerve plays a central role in how your body maintains stability and responds to stress. While there is a growing wave of “biohacking” advice (trendy wellness hacks) online, Dr. Tracey emphasizes that many claims are overstated or lack solid backing. Much of the popular advice on “optimizing” vagal tone (your body’s capacity to relax and recover) is not yet supported by robust scientific evidence. While tools and techniques can help, they are not magic fixes. The basics still matter most.

The real foundation of a healthy nervous system depends on everyday habits, not gadgets. Simple, consistent practices like breathwork, physical movement, social connection, and quality sleep play a meaningful role in regulating your nervous system and reducing inflammation.

Six Practical Ways to Support Your Vagus Nerve

• Practice slow, deep breathing. Try a simple practice called “straw breathing”: inhale for three seconds, then exhale slowly for seven seconds through pursed lips—like you’re blowing through a straw or gently blowing out candles on a cake. Just a few minutes each day can help calm your system. One of my clients uses this practice during board meetings to stay grounded and calm.

• Prioritize regular exercise. Consistent aerobic movement, like walking, cycling, hiking, or jogging, supports overall nervous system health.

• Get restorative sleep. Aim for seven to eight hours of quality sleep each night. Sleep is emotional first aid, and your nervous system depends on it.

• Cultivate social connection. Meaningful relationships and community engagement are deeply supportive for your emotional and physiological health.

• Try safe cold exposure. You don’t need expensive tubs or retreats. Simply ending your shower with two to three minutes of cold water or splashing your face with cold water can gently stimulate your vagus nerve (check with your doctor first).

• Incorporate mindfulness or meditation. Simple, daily practices that focus on relaxation and breath awareness can promote calm and resilience. Research suggests even eight minutes a day, including short “micro-hits” throughout the day, can make a meaningful impact.

The takeaway is straightforward: emotional regulation and nervous system health are built through simple, consistent habits, not complexity or gadgets.

For more information, click here to listen to the podcast The Science of Regulating Your Nervous System with Dr. Kevin Tracey on 10% with Dan Harris (April 27 2026; one hour 25 minutes).

Last week I had the opportunity to facilitate a leadership retreat focused on something that many of us don’t prioritize enough—rest, recharging, reconnecting (with ourselves and others), and supporting overall well-being.

Amid busy schedules, constant decision-making, and high expectations, we took time to explore a few simple practices that can help create space, restore focus, and reset in real time.

I thought I’d share a short Breathing and Tapping Practice Guide from the session—practical tools you can use throughout your day, whether you’re preparing for a meeting, navigating a stressful moment, or simply looking to pause and reset.

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 Breathing + Tapping Guide: Simple, accessible practices­­—no special setup needed.

1. Physiological Sigh

A fast reset when experiencing a sudden stress or anxiety spike

• Inhale (deep)
• Inhale (quick top-up)
• Long sigh out
• Repeat: 2–5 times

2. 4–6–8 Breathing

To cultivate deeper calm when feeling anxious, wired, or unable to relax (especially helpful before sleep)

• Take a few normal breaths
• Inhale 4
• Hold 6
• Exhale 8
• Repeat: 4–8 rounds

3. Straw Breathing

A gentle way to regulate when feeling overwhelmed, or a subtle reset in public settings (e.g. before meetings, during meetings, or useful when stuck in traffic!)

• Take a few normal breaths
• Inhale through nose
• Exhale slowly through pursed lips (as if through a straw or blowing out a candle)
• Repeat: 1–3 minutes

4. Box Breathing (4–4–4–4)

To support clarity, focus, and composure—particularly useful before important conversations or presentations.

• Take a few normal breaths
• Inhale 4
• Hold 4
• Exhale 4
• Hold 4
• Repeat: 4–6 cycles

5. Tapping

To reduce emotional intensity and interrupt stress patterns

• Use 2–3 fingers and tap gently
• About 5–10 taps per point
• Points are throughout your body and wherever you feel tightness such as eyebrow, side of eye, under eye, under nose, chin, collarbone, under arm, and top of head.
• As you tap, simply notice what you’re feeling—no need to judge or change it
• Continue tapping and allow the body to settle
• Practice: for 1–3 minutes, (or longer if helpful)

Closing Note

A slightly longer inhale can help energize and refocus the mind and body, while a longer exhale calms the system and activates the body’s “rest and digest” response.

These practices are intentionally simple—but when used consistently, they can be powerful tools for staying grounded, present, and effective throughout the day.

If any of these practices resonate, I encourage you to try one or two throughout your day—especially in moments where a pause could make a difference.

I’m always curious how clients describe and rate their own emotional intelligence — and how they assess others. Interestingly, those who rate themselves lowest often demonstrate the highest emotional intelligence. And the reverse is true, too.

Why? Because self-awareness is the foundation of it all.

Those with higher emotional intelligence tend to have a more honest, often more humble, view of themselves. They notice their blind spots, mistakes, and emotional patterns. In contrast, those who overestimate their EI are often missing that very self-awareness.

This month, I want to break down emotional intelligence (EI) using Daniel Goleman’s simple four-part framework. I often share this model with clients because it’s easy to remember and deeply practical.

It also aligns with the definition of mindfulness: being aware of what’s happening in both our internal and external environments—and then choosing how to respond in a thoughtful, intentional way. The opposite is being unaware of what’s happening internally and externally, and reacting out of habit.

Emotional Intelligence is also one of the strongest predictors of success in both work and life. And the good news? It’s not fixed; it’s a skill we can develop.

Daniel Goleman defines emotional intelligence (EI) as the capacity to recognize our own feelings and those of others, to motivate ourselves, and to manage emotions effectively in ourselves and in our relationships.

Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence Four-Part Framework

1.    Self-Awareness: What we know about ourselves.

Self-awareness is the practice of self-reflection and the starting point of personal growth. Journaling, meditating, or speaking with a friend, coach, or therapist are helpful ways to cultivate it.

• What am I feeling?
• How am I showing up?
• Am I being triggered?
• What feedback am I seeking from people I trust?

2.    Self-Management: What we do based on what we know.

Self-management is the ability to pause, regulate, and choose your response rather than react automatically. I often call it the power of the pause — interrupting thoughts and emotions long enough to respond intentionally. This is where maturity lives.

Self-management isn’t about suppressing emotions but rather working with them skillfully. Emotions will arise — they always do. The real question is: what helps you pause and respond wisely?

A Viktor Frankl quote captures what it means to have a self-management practice: “Between the stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.”

Practices that clients say strengthen self-management include:

• Deep belly breathing
• Meditation (breath, body, loving-kindness)
• Prayer or spiritual reflection
• Prioritizing sleep (emotional first aid)
• Reducing caffeine
• Connecting with supportive people
• Hanging out with your favorite dog or cat
• Movement and exercise
• Time outdoors and in nature
• Journaling
• Baking and cooking
• Listening to music
• Laughter

What works for you?

Strong self-management creates the foundation for how we show up for ourselves and others.

3.    Social Awareness: What we know about others and our environment.

Social awareness is the practice of deep, empathetic listening, both for what is said and for what isn’t said. It’s also about tuning in to the environment around you.

• Am I listening more than I’m talking?
• What might the other person be feeling?
• What am I noticing in their tone, body language, and energy?
• What’s going on in the environment around me—the workplace, the room, the broader context?

4.    Relationship Management: What we do based on what we know.

Relationship management is the integration of self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness, and taking action on what we know in order to be of service to others.

This includes influencing others, navigating crucial conversations, managing conflict, coaching and mentoring, and providing inspirational leadership. At its core, it reflects the ability to apply emotional awareness of both self and others to build and sustain strong, productive relationships.

As you reflect this month, you might consider:

• How much time do I allow for self-reflection?
• How often do I check in with myself and others before responding, or do I fall into a habitual, reactive mode?
• What might I commit to trying in order to manage myself more effectively?
• What are some ways I can cultivate stronger relationships at work and at home?
• Where do I naturally excel within this framework? What areas might I want to further develop?