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My heart is broken. I am an American Jew who has lived in Israel and I have many Israeli friends and family, here in the US and in Israel. I Stand with Israel.

There’s so much to express, and yet words escape me. That is why I’m sharing this heartfelt Facebook post written by my dear friend Alexandra, for her words capture the sentiment more beautifully than I ever could.

To provide some context, the night before the attack on Israel by Hamas we were celebrating Alexandra’s birthday. On the morning of the attack, Barak, Alexandra’s husband, coincidentally happened to be on a plane flying to Israel for business. Alexandra and Barak’s eldest are Gabriel, is a commander with the paratroopers in the Israeli Defense Forces. They have two other children, Gefen and Luna. Thank you in advance for reading it.

Sending everyone prayers for peace and ease, and may there be more humanity and less suffering in the world.

Hello Friends,

I haven’t been much on social media for quite some time now, but given recent events, an update feels overdue. Thank you for your support and concern about Gabriel, our eldest, who is a commander with the paratroopers in the Israeli Defense Forces. We are not always able to be in touch with him or know where he is, but when I do get to hear his voice (or hear that he spoke with Gefen or Luna), it is the best part of my day. He called yesterday (late last night for me, morning for him), and I fought off sleep while listening to his voice. I slept for six hours in a row after that.

Barak was in the air above Tel Aviv when Hamas attacked. After hours of indecisive circling United finally landed, so the plane could be used to evacuate people and return the many reservists around the world home to protect their country. Once Barak hit the ground he and his employees went straight to the Schneider Pediatric Hospital to help a friend move equipment and non-ambulatory pediatric patients two floors down into the bomb shelters. Since then he and his childhood buddies have been driving wherever they can to buy IDF approved gear – armored vests, tactical helmets, water pouches, Leathermans, caffeine pills and more – from any store they could find with goods left on their shelves and deliver them any way they could to various bases and units to help outfit the hundreds of thousands of reservists called up for duty and to give the IDF a moment to catch up, which they now have.

I also want you to understand where I stand. I am an American Israeli and a Zioness. I belong to a Muslim-Jewish sisterhood because I care deeply about building bridges between our communities both here and in the Middle East and I value their friendship and the dialogue we have been working to grow. I believe deeply in ‘win-win,’ not “us vs them” in any forum. I don’t have much faith in mainstream media any longer so I read multiple sources, The Free Press, or the Times of Israel. I subscribe to but am often deeply disappointed in the NYT, although I do play Connections and Spelling Bee and the Mini every morning. I protested the current uber right-wing government in Tel Aviv, in Jerusalem, and even last week in NYC. But none of that is relevant to what is happening right now in Israel.

None of that plays into what we are dealing with now because this barbaric attack on Israel is not about the Palestinian – Israeli conflict. These are not militants, these are terrorists. Terrorists whose very charter demands our destruction “from the river (Jordan) to the (Mediterranean) sea.” Terrorists who infiltrated our country – the one and only country that was created by the UN as a guaranteed safe haven for Jews after generations and generations of violent pogroms and the Holocaust. Thousands of Hamas terrorists broke through the fence between Israel and Gaza, walked around villages and kibbutzim, shooting civilians indiscriminately. They set fire to houses to smoke out families hiding in safe rooms, they burned babies in cribs shooting and beheading others, they targeted girls with mass monkfish, slaughtered over 260 youth who were dancing at a rave in the woods, they dragged infants and children and mothers and grandparents into Gaza to stand unspeakable horrors…and then they proudly recorded, celebrated and distributed these acts to the world.

Come to a simcha at any synagogue – we throw candy when our children read from Torah. Hamas throws candy as they parade bloodied and naked Jews down the streets of Gaza. My son, his commanders, and his soldiers are cleaning up those kibbutzim and villages while securing them from continued infiltrations. Counting the dead. Trying to identify body parts. Logging who is missing and who is presumed to be in Gaza experiencing unspeakable torture that, Hamas promises, will be streamed to the world on Instagram and Tiktok.

To quote Noa Tishby, “whoever you are, whatever your values ​​are, if you can not unequivocally condemn this, you can never again claim to care about human rights or human life.”

Thank you for taking the time to read this, for understanding what I am trying to convey, and for the love and support you have all been giving us. Please keep the people of Israel, including my husband and our eldest, in your hearts.

                                                                                                                                                               – Alexandra Haber Bar-Cohen

This month, I’m writing about Seven New Rules About Emotions at Work. You might notice that I underlined the word “new”! When I attended Chicago Booth business school from 1990 to 1992, we were taught to keep emotions out of the workplace. Interestingly, I now work as a leadership coach in the Wharton MBA program, where students are not only evaluated on their ability to manage their own emotions but also on their ability to read and manage the emotions of others. What a shift!

The following seven rules on how to manage emotions in the workplace for improved outcomes and reduced burnout are derived from two co-authored books by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy: “No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work” and “Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay.”

Seven New Rules About Emotions at Work:

1. Be Less Passionate About Your Job: This doesn’t imply having a job that you don’t like or disengaging at work. Instead, it means prioritizing your mental and physical well-being over your job. It’s about finding balance and dedicating time and energy to activities outside of work that bring you joy and purpose. This way, you can come to work refreshed and enthusiastic, rather than feeling overwhelmed and burnt out.

2. Inspire Yourself: This is about autonomy and focusing on what you can control and find meaningful to maintain motivation at work. For leaders, it means establishing clear objectives for your team members and direct reports instead of insisting on strict processes to enhance your colleague’s engagement and motivation. Additionally, it involves connecting with aspects of your job that you find meaningful, interesting, and enjoyable to cultivate a deeper sense of purpose. If you’re in a toxic work environment and this situation persists for an extended period, it can be challenging to find meaning, and it may be time to explore other opportunities.

3. Emotion is Part of the Equation: By being aware of and acknowledging your feelings, you can make better decisions. This involves processing and regulating your emotions (or temporarily setting them aside) so that they don’t negatively impact your actions and interactions.

4. Psychological Safety First: This is when everyone in the group feels they can suggest ideas, admit mistakes, and take risks without fear of embarrassment or punishment. One suggestion is for leaders and their teams to set aside time during meetings to discuss challenges and what’s not going well. Another idea is for managers to share their own vulnerability, mistakes, and lessons learned with their teams.

5. Your Feelings Aren’t Facts: Our feelings, reactions, judgments, and conclusions are often based on false assumptions. Make sure to give yourself enough space and time to check your assumptions and interpretations before responding.

6. Emotional Culture Cascades from You: Emotions have a way of spreading, even among people who don’t know each other. Consequently, we all share the responsibility of being mindful of and regulating our own emotions.

7. Be Selectively Vulnerable: To maintain professionalism and enhance effectiveness, it’s crucial for everyone to carefully choose the emotions they reveal and the people with whom they share them. Leaders, in particular, bear the responsibility of thoughtfully selecting the emotions they convey to their teams and providing a positive direction to keep colleagues motivated and engaged.

When it comes to emotions at work and in life, I found it fascinating to learn that women are biologically wired to shed more tears than men. Under a microscope, cells from women’s tear glands exhibit distinct differences from those of men – women have shallower tear ducts, which is why women tend to cry more easily than men. Understanding this biological difference can help us create a more inclusive work environment where emotions are recognized as a natural part of human expression. This in turn, contributes to building a more supportive workplace culture that benefits men and women.

A Deeper Dive Into Emotions at Work

• Click here to learn more about the book “No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work” co-authored by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy.

• Click here to learn more about the book”Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay” co-authored by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy.

• Click here to listen to How to Handle Your Emotions at Work | Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy on Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris (90 minutes).

This month I’m recommending a simple technique called the A.W.E. method because it’s easy to do, research-based, and supports having a clearer mind and calmer nervous system. And given how chaotic and stressful everyday life can be, the A.W.E. tool is a great resource for improved overall health and well-being!

Research suggests A.W.E. Method:

• Encourages curiosity
• Inspires energy, especially when experienced in nature
• Quiets the mind’s “monkey chatter”
• Calms the nervous system
• Reduces inflammation
• Makes you more open-minded and less rigid in your thinking
• Leaves you feeling more present and patient
• Leads you to be more friendly, humble, and connected to others
• Improves life satisfaction
• Makes you less materialistic and more generous
• Increases spirituality as you experience being part of something larger than the self
• Diminishes your sense of self so that you are less self-absorbed

The A.W.E. method is based on research by Jake Eagle and Dr. Michael Amster and described in their book, The Power of AWE: Overcome Burnout & Anxiety, Ease Chronic Pain, Find Clarity & Purpose – In Less than 1 Minute Per Day.

This simple three-step A.W.E. practice takes 10 to 20 seconds per cycle (what the authors call a microdose) and offers an immediate reward. The good news is that the more you practice A.W.E., the more benefits you derive. And what I love about the technique is that you don’t need to go anywhere special to access A.W.E. because this positive emotion can be found in everyday ordinary moments throughout your day – at home, at work, on a walk around the block, or even in line at the grocery store. And in order to receive the full benefits, the authors recommend practicing the A.W.E. method three times during your day.

The A.W.E. Method: How to Practice!

• A: Attention means placing your full attention on something that you appreciate, value, or find amazing. For example, it could be focusing on an object (flowers are my favorite!), a joyful memory, or a sweet moment with a friend, child, or pet.
• W: Wait means slowing down, taking a deep inhalation, and amplifying the amount of attention you’re placing on whatever you’ve decided to appreciate, value, or find amazing.
• E: Exhale means making a slightly longer exhalation than normal. This step activates the rest and digest (parasympathetic) system so that you feel more relaxed and at ease. The end result is feeling more present, clear, and emotionally regulated.

A Deeper Dive Into A.W.E.

• Click here to access the Power of AWE website.
• Click here to learn more about the book The Power of AWE: Overcome Burnout & Anxiety, Ease Chronic Pain, Find Clarity & Purpose – In Less than 1 Minute Per Day by Jake Eagle, LPC and Michael Amster, MD.
• Click here to listen to How to Meditate If You Have No Time to Meditate | Jake Eagle and Michael Amster (Co-Interviewed by Dan’s Wife, Bianca!) on Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris (77 minutes).

I hope this finds you well and that you are taking time to enjoy summer in whatever way has meaning for you! This month, I want to share two things: 1) a meditation to help cultivate presence and 2) a four-part work series that addresses important topics including mental health, imposter syndrome, jerks, and mindfulness at work.

For the first part, I want to discuss a skill that many clients are working on called executive presence. This type of presence is about showing up confident, clear-minded, calm, and grounded – especially in complex, politically charged environments. And while presence is a crucial skill in the workplace, it is also an important personal leadership life skill because cultivating a clear-minded, calm, and grounded presence helps us show up better for our families and communities.

While I appreciate that meditation is not for everyone, I believe it is one of the most effective and efficient ways to self-manage and regulate emotions … based on research, and client and personal experiences.

Norman Fischer beautifully captures this by saying, “We’re stepping back from our calculating, intelligent, controlling mind to a more receptive and intuitive space. We’re developing another kind of presence, another kind of skill to be able to stand within our experience differently. And the foundation is this ability even in a moment of time to step back into the body and the breathing.”

This process involves:

• Shifting your posture so that you show up with strength, stability, and a brighter energy.
• Becoming aware of your internal experience, including emotions, body sensations, and thinking mind.
• Using the breath as an anchor and a way to give the thinking mind a rest.
• Using awareness of breath and body sensations to support showing up clear-minded,
• calm, and grounded in complex external environments.
• Becoming aware of and freeing up personal biases and past experiences so that you can approach each situation, especially challenging ones, with a clear mind.

If you want to learn more about meditation and want to try the practice of meditation, click here to listen to Norman Fischer’s guided meditation on “Presence,” a client favorite (13 minutes).

I would like to share another useful resource: The Four-Part Work Life Series featured on the Ten Percent Happier podcast.

• Click here to listen to Scott Galloway on: The Impact of Work on Mental Health, the Role of Luck in Success, and How Much is Enough on Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris (50 minutes).

Galloway is a professor of marketing at NYU’s Stern School of Business, a serial entrepreneur, founder of nine companies, including Profit, Red Envelope, and Section Four, has served on the boards of directors of the New York Times Company, Urban Outfitters, and Panera Bread. And best-selling author of many books, including, The Algebra of Happiness, Post Corona, and his latest book, which is called Adrift: America in 100 Charts.

Key discussion topics in this podcast include:

• • • Why work is such a big factor in determining our mental health.
    • Where Galloway stands on the idea of “bringing your whole self to work.”
    • How to get over being fired.
    • Plus, lots more!

• Click here to listen to Do You Feel Like an Imposter? | Dr. Valerie Young (Co-Interviewed by Dan’s Wife, Bianca!) on Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris (65 minutes).

Dr. Valerie Young is an internationally recognized expert on imposter syndrome, the co-founder of the Imposter Syndrome Institute, and author of the book titled, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It.

Key discussion topics in this podcast include:

• • • Three things that define imposter syndrome.
    • That imposter syndrome is not just for women — men deal with it, too, as do many other people along the gender spectrum.
    • What it means to shift from imposter thinking to thinking like “a humble realist.”
    • Three tools for dealing with imposter feelings.
    • Plus, lots more!

• Click here to listen to Jerks at Work | Amy Gallo on Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris (71 minutes).

Amy Gallo is a workplace expert who writes and speaks about interpersonal dynamics, difficult conversations, feedback, gender, and effective communication. Gallo is a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review and the author of a new book, Getting Along, How to Work with Anyone, Even Difficult People. She has also written The Harvard Business Review Guide to Dealing With Conflict, and she co-hosts the Women at Work podcast.

Key discussion topics in this podcast include:

• • • Why quality interactions at work are so important for our professional success and personal mental health.
    • Why Gallo believes one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to dealing with difficult people in the workplace.
    • A taxonomy of the eight different flavors of difficult coworkers, including the pessimist, the victim, the know-it-all, and the insecure boss – with tactics for managing each.
    • Plus, lots more!

• Click here to listen to Does Mindfulness Actually Make You Happier (or Better) at Work | Prof. Lindsey Cameron on Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris (55 minutes).

Professor Lindsey Cameron is an Assistant Professor at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Management. Her research focuses on mindfulness, as well as the future of work. She has a 20-year practice, having studied and taught primarily in the Vipassana and non-dual traditions. In her prior career, Professor Cameron spent over a decade in the US intelligence and diplomatic communities serving the Middle East, Africa, and Europe.

Key discussion topics in this podcast include:

• • • Where she stands on the whole “McMindfulness” debate.
    • What companies mean when they talk about mindfulness at work.
    • Which specific practices are most beneficial, depending on the situation.
    • Plus, lots more!

I came across this short yet meaningful passage by Pema Chödrön and it captured, at least for me, what we all need to keep in mind to show up for ourselves and each other with joy, compassion, kindness, humility, and a sense of humor.

Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both. Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. But if that’s all that’s happening, we get arrogant and start to look down on others, and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal and being really serious about it, wanting it to be like that forever. The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving and addiction.

On the other hand, wretchedness–life’s painful aspect–softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. When you are feeling a lot of grief, you can look right into somebody’s eyes because you feel you haven’t got anything to lose–you’re just there. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us, but if we were only wretched, we would all just go down the tubes. We’d be so depressed, discouraged, and hopeless that we wouldn’t have enough energy to eat an apple. Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.

Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

Many of the executive clients I coach are working on ways to show up with a strong executive leadership presence. And while each leader has their own unique challenge around showing up with executive leadership presence, it’s mostly about managing the intensity and drama of the situation and bringing a sense of optimism and stability to their teams and colleagues.

So this month I’m sharing practices to meditate, pray, or journal on to help with establishing executive leadership presence and showing up confident, calm, compassionate, decisive, and joyful. Feel free to use or adapt with your own phrases.

May I Live My Life with Trust
May I love (and be with) myself just as I am.
May I sense my worthiness and well-being – my basic okay-ness, my basic goodness.
May I trust life (it’s not all up to me), the path, and mostly myself. It’s going to work out until it doesn’t.
May I hold my pain and suffering (my sadness, worry, fear, anxiety, anger, doubt, existential angst) of all beings, including myself, with gentleness, compassion, and loving-kindness. 

Meditation for Dealing with Difficult Individuals/Situations and Maintaining Equanimity
May I meet the ignorance and self-centered behaviors of others with acceptance, spacious awareness, unconditional friendliness, boundaries, and a good sense of humor.  
It’s not personal how others behave. Their well-being and happiness are their business and depend on their own intentions & actions (twisted karma). It’s not up to me to change, transform, or fix others.
May I hold the pain and suffering of all beings, including myself, with equanimity and compassion, so that I may be “okay” with whatever arises. An unwavering, unconditional friendliness toward self.

Meditation on Joy
May I remember that life is precious.
May I use this day well and live with nobility and dignity.
May I be easily contented and joyful.
May I enjoy the simple pleasures of being alive.
May I show up with a spirit of lightness, joy, confidence, generosity, and a sense of humor

This month I’m sharing the 12 Ted Lasso Leadership Lessons That Will Transform Your Workplace that my dear (and very smart!) friend Debra found on LinkedIn and shared with me!

As you probably know, watching Ted Lasso (on Apple TV) is a fun way to learn more about being an effective leader in your family, community, or work situation. Ted consistently shows up with humor, humility, vulnerability, unconditional love, and compassion – and by doing so, wins others over and brings out their best.

What a refreshing change from people in charge being more obsessed with status, power, control, politics, and what is best for oneself than what is best for others and their organizations.

And I can’t wait to see if Ted converts Nate to being a lover (from a hater) … four more episodes to go, so stay tuned!

Ted Lasso’s 12 Leadership Lessons

1. Believe in yourself
2. Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing
3. All people are different people
4. See the good in others
5. Courage is about being willing to try
6. Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness
7. Tell the truth
8. Winning is an attitude
9. Optimists do more
10. Stay teachable
11. Be a Goldfish – If you do something wrong do not let it define you. Forget it – like a goldfish – within 10 seconds.
12. Happiness is a choice

For the world to be better,
people are going to have to be better.
I have to be better. 
You have to be better.
We have to be as good as we can be, and 
encourage everyone around us to be better, and
work to make the world as good as we can during this brief life.
– Norman Fischer, Everyday Zen podcast 6/9/22

Recently, client leaders have been complaining about colleagues who are behaving in unacceptable ways … peers talking behind colleagues’ backs, colleagues being more concerned about personal agendas than doing the right thing by teammates and the company, and partners not following through on their commitments.

Let’s face it, people can be difficult. While we need others, often nothing is more troublesome than managing and getting along with others. Conflict is not the exception in human relations, it’s the rule. And unfortunately, that’s never going to change. We can’t fix, transform, or change others. The best we can hope for is by showing up as our best; we can inspire others to do the same.

As a leader, it comes down to taking time to reflect and having effective practices, so you show up as your best self – someone who is present, grounded, and compassionate – when dealing with difficult people – and hopefully elevate others.

When facing difficulties, the effective leader asks:

• How can I best face this difficult situation?
• What practices will keep me more present, grounded, and compassionate in this situation?
• Where should I put my energy?
• How might I avoid unnecessary drama?
• What do I have control over to improve the situation?
• Who can help me?
• What practices, frameworks, tools, models, etc. might help?
• What do I NOT have control over? What must I let go or accept?
• What might I learn about others and myself?

When facing difficulties, the ineffective leader asks:

• Who has wronged me? Who can I blame?
• How can I show others that I’m a victim of wrongdoing?
• How can I punish those who have caused my suffering?

Additional Resources

• Click here for the Everyday Zen podcast with Norman Fischer on Thich Nhat Hanh’s Basic Teachings – Part 6 – “Heart of the Buddhas Teachings”