I came across this short yet meaningful passage by Pema Chödrön and it captured, at least for me, what we all need to keep in mind to show up for ourselves and each other with joy, compassion, kindness, humility, and a sense of humor.

Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both. Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. But if that’s all that’s happening, we get arrogant and start to look down on others, and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal and being really serious about it, wanting it to be like that forever. The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving and addiction.

On the other hand, wretchedness–life’s painful aspect–softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. When you are feeling a lot of grief, you can look right into somebody’s eyes because you feel you haven’t got anything to lose–you’re just there. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us, but if we were only wretched, we would all just go down the tubes. We’d be so depressed, discouraged, and hopeless that we wouldn’t have enough energy to eat an apple. Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.

Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

Many of the executive clients I coach are working on ways to show up with a strong executive leadership presence. And while each leader has their own unique challenge around showing up with executive leadership presence, it’s mostly about managing the intensity and drama of the situation and bringing a sense of optimism and stability to their teams and colleagues.

So this month I’m sharing practices to meditate, pray, or journal on to help with establishing executive leadership presence and showing up confident, calm, compassionate, decisive, and joyful. Feel free to use or adapt with your own phrases.

May I Live My Life with Trust
May I love (and be with) myself just as I am.
May I sense my worthiness and well-being – my basic okay-ness, my basic goodness.
May I trust life (it’s not all up to me), the path, and mostly myself. It’s going to work out until it doesn’t.
May I hold my pain and suffering (my sadness, worry, fear, anxiety, anger, doubt, existential angst) of all beings, including myself, with gentleness, compassion, and loving-kindness. 

Meditation for Dealing with Difficult Individuals/Situations and Maintaining Equanimity
May I meet the ignorance and self-centered behaviors of others with acceptance, spacious awareness, unconditional friendliness, boundaries, and a good sense of humor.  
It’s not personal how others behave. Their well-being and happiness are their business and depend on their own intentions & actions (twisted karma). It’s not up to me to change, transform, or fix others.
May I hold the pain and suffering of all beings, including myself, with equanimity and compassion, so that I may be “okay” with whatever arises. An unwavering, unconditional friendliness toward self.

Meditation on Joy
May I remember that life is precious.
May I use this day well and live with nobility and dignity.
May I be easily contented and joyful.
May I enjoy the simple pleasures of being alive.
May I show up with a spirit of lightness, joy, confidence, generosity, and a sense of humor

This month I’m sharing the 12 Ted Lasso Leadership Lessons That Will Transform Your Workplace that my dear (and very smart!) friend Debra found on LinkedIn and shared with me!

As you probably know, watching Ted Lasso (on Apple TV) is a fun way to learn more about being an effective leader in your family, community, or work situation. Ted consistently shows up with humor, humility, vulnerability, unconditional love, and compassion – and by doing so, wins others over and brings out their best.

What a refreshing change from people in charge being more obsessed with status, power, control, politics, and what is best for oneself than what is best for others and their organizations.

And I can’t wait to see if Ted converts Nate to being a lover (from a hater) … four more episodes to go, so stay tuned!

Ted Lasso’s 12 Leadership Lessons

1. Believe in yourself
2. Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing
3. All people are different people
4. See the good in others
5. Courage is about being willing to try
6. Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness
7. Tell the truth
8. Winning is an attitude
9. Optimists do more
10. Stay teachable
11. Be a Goldfish – If you do something wrong do not let it define you. Forget it – like a goldfish – within 10 seconds.
12. Happiness is a choice

For the world to be better,
people are going to have to be better.
I have to be better. 
You have to be better.
We have to be as good as we can be, and 
encourage everyone around us to be better, and
work to make the world as good as we can during this brief life.
– Norman Fischer, Everyday Zen podcast 6/9/22

Recently, client leaders have been complaining about colleagues who are behaving in unacceptable ways … peers talking behind colleagues’ backs, colleagues being more concerned about personal agendas than doing the right thing by teammates and the company, and partners not following through on their commitments.

Let’s face it, people can be difficult. While we need others, often nothing is more troublesome than managing and getting along with others. Conflict is not the exception in human relations, it’s the rule. And unfortunately, that’s never going to change. We can’t fix, transform, or change others. The best we can hope for is by showing up as our best; we can inspire others to do the same.

As a leader, it comes down to taking time to reflect and having effective practices, so you show up as your best self – someone who is present, grounded, and compassionate – when dealing with difficult people – and hopefully elevate others.

When facing difficulties, the effective leader asks:

• How can I best face this difficult situation?
• What practices will keep me more present, grounded, and compassionate in this situation?
• Where should I put my energy?
• How might I avoid unnecessary drama?
• What do I have control over to improve the situation?
• Who can help me?
• What practices, frameworks, tools, models, etc. might help?
• What do I NOT have control over? What must I let go or accept?
• What might I learn about others and myself?

When facing difficulties, the ineffective leader asks:

• Who has wronged me? Who can I blame?
• How can I show others that I’m a victim of wrongdoing?
• How can I punish those who have caused my suffering?

Additional Resources

• Click here for the Everyday Zen podcast with Norman Fischer on Thich Nhat Hanh’s Basic Teachings – Part 6 – “Heart of the Buddhas Teachings”

This month I’m recommending the book Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D.

I’m sharing Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s work because it supports the skill of showing up with leadership presence, a skill that matters in our personal, professional, and community lives, and a skill which many executives are concerned with cultivating. With just a little understanding of Bolte Taylor’s whole brain living concept and self-reflection, the power of choice is placed in our own hands and under our own terms of how we want to show up in the world.

Specifically, Whole Brain Thinking

• Helps leaders understand the anatomy of the brain in terms of right and left hemispheres, thinking versus feeling emotions, and the four brain characters.
• Helps leaders become more self-aware of their moment-to-moment emotional/mind state.
• Offers leaders the freedom of choice and agency in terms of how to turn emotional circuitry on and off and how they want to show up. A power move for anyone!
• Questions include:
  • What emotional/mind state am I in right now?
  • Which part of my brain is activated?
  • Who do I want to be?
  • How do I want to be?
  • What can I do to activate different parts of my brain?

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor recommends understanding the four brain characters and using a practice she calls “the B-R-A-I-N huddle” when you are in a state of emotional reactivity and want to show up in a better way. It’s important to keep in mind each of the characters have an important function, represent an authentic part of who you are at a cellular level, and should be treated with dignity, respect, and honor.

Below I outline Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s Four Brain Characters and the B-R-A-I-N Huddle.

The Four Brain Characters: How Your Four Characters Think and Feel

Character One: Left-Brain Thinking

• The rational character in your brain: gifted at creating order, has language, and focused on past and future; likes to organize, be the boss, and get things done; defines right from wrong and good from bad based upon its moral compass; defines physical boundaries in terms of where you begin and end; and is the perfectionist part of the brain which can trigger a stress response.
• Descriptors: verbal, thinks in language, thinks linearly, past/future-based, analytical, focuses on details, seeks differences, judgmental, punctual, individual, concise/precise, fixed, busy, conscious, structure/order-based, and focus is on ME.
• Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor named her brain character one Helen, for “hell on wheels, she gets it done!”

Character Two: Left-Brain Emotional

• The most vulnerable character in your brain:: tends to fear the unknown because it holds all of your emotions and traumas from the past; takes present moment information in from your sensory experience and compares it to your past; perceives life through a lens of “lack of” rather than through a filter of “abundance of”; always looking for a reason to push an unsafe experience away; its mantra is ALARM, ALARM, ALARM, ALERT, ALERT, ALERT.
• Descriptors: constricted, rigid, cautious, fear-based, stern, loves conditionally, doubts, bullies, righteous, manipulates, tried and true, independent, selfish, critical, superior/inferior, right/wrong, and good/bad.
• Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor named her brain character two Abby, shortened for “abandoned,” a left-over feeling from her childhood.

Character Three: Right-Brain Emotional

• The emotional experiential self in your brain: seeks similarities rather than differences with other people because it wants to connect, explore, and go on adventures with others; creative, judgment-free, exciting, fun, and wants to come out and play; chaos at its finest; asks … what does it FEEL like to be right here, right now, in the present moment?
• Descriptors: expansive, open, risk–taking, fearless, friendly, loves unconditionally, trusts, supports, grateful, goes with the flow, creative/innovative, collective, sharing, kind, and equality contextual.
• Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor named her brain character three Pigpen for the Peanuts character in Charlie Brown who is curious, consistently making a mess, and whose chaos follows him wherever he goes.

Character Four: Right-Brain Thinking

• The most peaceful, open, and loving self in your brain: it is right here, right now, and completely invested in the gift of life with immense gratitude, acceptance, openness, and love; when present, there is nothing to worry about from the past nor fear about the future; you feel connected to a higher consciousness, without boundaries, and connected to everything; can be accessed through prayer, meditation, and being with nature.
• Descriptors: nonverbal, thinks in pictures, thinks experientially, present during moment–based kinesthetic/body awareness, looks holistically at the big picture, seeks similarities, compassionate, lost in the flow of time, collective, flexible/resilient, open to possibilities, available, unconscious fluid/flow, and focus is on WE.
• Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor named her brain character four Queen Toad because she is as big as the universe, is a bit of a goofball, and lives on a lily pad boat named “BrainWaves.”

The B-R-A-I-N Huddle

• To BREATHE is the most powerful way to hit the pause button, interrupt your emotional reactivity, and bring your mind into the present moment. Breathing and hitting the pause button for 90 seconds allows noradrenaline, the stress chemical running through your bloodstream, to flood through and then flush out of you.
• RECOGNIZE which of the Four Characters are running YOUR life right now?
• APPRECIATE whichever character you find yourself exhibiting and appreciate you still have all Four Characters available to you at any moment.
• INQUIRE within and invite all Four Characters into the huddle so they can collectively and consciously strategize your next move.
• NAVIGATE the experience by choosing which of the Four Characters you want to focus on at the particular moment.

Additional Leadership Resources

• Click here to learn more about the book Whole Brain Living: the Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D.
• Click here to listen to Understand Your Brain, Upgrade Your Life with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor on Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris. This podcast is useful in understanding the marvels of the human brain, the brain’s “four characters,” and how to work with these characters through a practice she calls “The B-R-A-I-N Huddle” (one hour, 28 minutes).
• Click here to watch the TED talk My Stroke of Insight with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. Taylor received a research opportunity few brain scientists could only wish for: she had a massive stroke and watched as her brain functions — motion, speech, self-awareness — shut down one by one. An astonishing story (18 minutes).

As you prepare for your holidays, I thought I’d share a practice one of my clients has been working with and how it has benefited him and then other practices that support cultivating joy, always helpful during holiday stress.

This leader’s father was behaving badly toward my client so he was feeling stuck and full of anger. My client realized his rage was zapping his energy and he really wanted to figure out a way to let go of the negative emotions and feel more joy, more calm, and confident at work and with his family.

We talked about the importance of forgiveness and how it may help. After a bit of resistance, my client decided to try a forgiveness practice (see resources below). Over time, he learned that by forgiving his father, he was not condoning his father’s actions but rather cultivating a self-care practice which enabled him to manage the strong, painful feelings he was struggling with, and in the end, show up happier.

Keep in mind, forgiveness is often a slow and painful process; we do it for ourselves, not the other person. We forgive but we don’t forget; we don’t condone the bad behavior. Forgiveness allows us to take control of our own destiny, understand those in pain often cause pain, and enables us to show up more joyful, lighter, and freer.

This leader and other clients have successfully used the following forgiveness resources.

The 12 Principles of Forgiveness by Jack Kornfield.

1. Understanding what forgiveness is and what it is not.
2. Sense the suffering that comes with the inability to forgive.
3. Reflect on the benefits of a loving heart.
4. Discover (in relation to your identity), you don’t have to be loyal to your suffering.
5. Understand that forgiveness is a process, not a single action.
6. You have to set your intention for forgiveness.
7. Learn the inner and outer forms of forgiveness.
8. Start with the easiest thing that can open your heart.
9. Be willing to grieve and let go.
10. Sometimes trauma is stored in our physical bodies.
11. Shift of identity.
12. Perspective.

Click here to view and listen to Jack Kornfield’s 12 Principles of Forgiveness (14 minutes).

Additional Resources on Forgiveness

• Click here to listen to and practice forgiveness with Norman Fischer’s guided forgiveness meditation, a client and personal favorite (18 minutes).
• Click here to download a worksheet about establishing a Forgiveness Practice through Meditation or Journaling.

Practices to Support Cultivating More Joy

• Click here to read How to Show Up Cheerful During Tough Times which includes many resources to support cultivating joy.

Wishing you a peaceful, joyful, and healthy holiday season and 2023!