Clients often share some version of the following: “I often wonder to myself – does my manager act that way because she’s a jerk and doesn’t care OR is she is just oblivious?”

Which one are you? Uncaring or unaware? Your colleagues may be wondering the same thing….

Great leaders spend time reflecting not only on their own feelings but also on how their actions impact others.

Clients have had success using the following emotional intelligence framework to self reflect, think about others, and journal. They write down what they’re noticing each day and review every week – looking for patterns and trends. The big win in developing emotional intelligence is stronger leadership presence and improved working relationships.

Self-awareness

• What emotions am I experiencing?
• How am I behaving towards others?

Self-management  

• What can I do to manage my own emotional state so that I am keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check?
• How can I best manage my behaviors towards others so that there is a positive outcome?
• In this situation, is reacting the best reaction?

Social awareness

• What do I notice about others? How aware am I of their feelings, needs, and concerns?
• How are my behaviors are impacting others around me?

Relationship management

• What am I doing (e.g., coaching, mentoring, collaborating, etc.) to contribute to better relationships with my colleagues?

This blog is part of a Mindful Leadership series: A mindful leader is someone who brings out the best in one’s self and others by showing up compassionate, present, and grounded in all situations – especially challenging ones.

“…if a person could observe the stream of his thought for only one day he would see that there is almost no distinction between himself and a madman. It is just that the madman actually acts upon his thoughts, but the thoughts themselves are indistinguishable.” — Rabbi Shapira (1932, Warsaw Ghetto)

Coping with the stress of the holiday season? Finding your mind racing? Dealing with difficult situations or people? Trying to live more intentionally each day?

Here is a meditation I practice daily that helps clients and me quiet our minds and feel more peaceful, joyful, and lighter throughout the day.

Setting the Intention Using Meditation: There’s no magic to it. It’s a daily practice. Uncomfortable feelings might arise. Be gentle towards yourself. No judgment. Try starting with ten minutes.

The Meditaiton: “How to Quiet Your Mind in the Midst of Chaos*”

Step One – Awareness: Notice & pay attention to your breath. Become aware of your state of being. Observe your thoughts without judgment & visualize them “floating away.”

• Focus on your breathing: Might try saying “I am here” on in breath & “here I am” on outbreath.
• Pay attention to your “SIFT *”– S: sensations; I: images; F: feelings; T: thoughts. This helps us get in touch with and honor what’s going on for us at the moment.

Step Two – Gratitude: Think about who & what you are grateful for (ideas below – come up with what has meaning for you).

• I am grateful for abundance
• I am grateful for my daughter, son, partner, friend, etc.

Step Three – Intention: How would you like to Show Up? Set your intention, in a positive way (ideas below).

• Be present with lightness & joy
• Have compassion for myself first & then for others
• Eat light & healthy (or exercise 3 x’s week)

Step Four – Letting Go: Trust that your intention will happen without the need to force it on your end. Let things unfold naturally (ideas below).

• I will let go of worrying about how things might or might not turn out
• I will let go of trying to fix things I have no control over
• I will let go of forcing or trying to hard

*This meditation is inspired by Rabbi Shapira (1932, Warsaw Ghetto) as interpreted by Rabbi Dr. James Jacobson-Maisels and adapted by Cathy Quartner Bailey. SIFT language by Deepak Chopra.

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” –  Wayne Dyer

“Nobody can get into the heart of your experience and fix anything for you. If you want to make your own internal experience more hospitable, only you can do that work. Others can always support and guide you and spark insights, but ultimately you are your own boss ….” – Ethan Nichtern

Being a leader involves cultivating a “mindfulness” practice that includes finding time to slow down, tune in, and renew. Listed below are daily practices that executives have shared with me to help them be more mindful and show up grounded and calm, especially during difficult situations.

• For 5-20 minutes, sit quietly each morning (or meditate). Set your intention for the day.
• Before a meeting, conversation, or presentation, take a few minutes and write down your intention for that situation (e.g., to listen, remain calm, collaborate, ask good questions, etc.).

• When developing a new leadership skill or behavior, ask for feedback from a trusted colleague – how am I doing? Change is uncomfortable and reality testing is part of the process.
• Take three deep breaths before reacting to a situation or person and remind yourself of your intention. If needed, take a break in order to reflect and cool-off. A break can be anywhere from a few minutes to 24 hours.
• Take mini breaks during the day in order to reflect and gain perspective (e.g.,  exercise, leave the building, take a walk, or have a cup of tea).
• Exercise on a regular basis.
• Do not check email for first hour of waking up in the morning and turn off PDA one hour before going to bed.
• At the end of the day, review how things went and decide what to focus on for tomorrow.

Showing up intentional is a daily commitment and process, you will make mistakes, that’s normal but remember to be kind and gentle towards yourself.

Larry Rosenberg’s guidelines for Mindful Living

Step 1: When possible, do just one thing at a time.

Step 2: Pay full attention to what you are doing.

Step 3: When the mind wanders from what you are doing, bring it back.

Step 4: Repeat step 3 several billion times.

Step 5: Investigate your distractions.

You need not do anything.

Remain sitting at your table and listen.

You need not even listen, just wait, just learn to be quiet, still, and solitary.

And the world will freely offer itself to you unmasked.

It has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.

– Franz Kafka