“…if a person could observe the stream of his thought for only one day he would see that there is almost no distinction between himself and a madman. It is just that the madman actually acts upon his thoughts, but the thoughts themselves are indistinguishable.” — Rabbi Shapira (1932, Warsaw Ghetto)

Coping with the stress of the holiday season? Finding your mind racing? Dealing with difficult situations or people? Trying to live more intentionally each day?

Here is a meditation I practice daily that helps clients and me quiet our minds and feel more peaceful, joyful, and lighter throughout the day.

Setting the Intention Using Meditation: There’s no magic to it. It’s a daily practice. Uncomfortable feelings might arise. Be gentle towards yourself. No judgment. Try starting with ten minutes.

The Meditaiton: “How to Quiet Your Mind in the Midst of Chaos*”

Step One – Awareness: Notice & pay attention to your breath. Become aware of your state of being. Observe your thoughts without judgment & visualize them “floating away.”

• Focus on your breathing: Might try saying “I am here” on in breath & “here I am” on outbreath.
• Pay attention to your “SIFT *”– S: sensations; I: images; F: feelings; T: thoughts. This helps us get in touch with and honor what’s going on for us at the moment.

Step Two – Gratitude: Think about who & what you are grateful for (ideas below – come up with what has meaning for you).

• I am grateful for abundance
• I am grateful for my daughter, son, partner, friend, etc.

Step Three – Intention: How would you like to Show Up? Set your intention, in a positive way (ideas below).

• Be present with lightness & joy
• Have compassion for myself first & then for others
• Eat light & healthy (or exercise 3 x’s week)

Step Four – Letting Go: Trust that your intention will happen without the need to force it on your end. Let things unfold naturally (ideas below).

• I will let go of worrying about how things might or might not turn out
• I will let go of trying to fix things I have no control over
• I will let go of forcing or trying to hard

*This meditation is inspired by Rabbi Shapira (1932, Warsaw Ghetto) as interpreted by Rabbi Dr. James Jacobson-Maisels and adapted by Cathy Quartner Bailey. SIFT language by Deepak Chopra.

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” –  Wayne Dyer

“Nobody can get into the heart of your experience and fix anything for you. If you want to make your own internal experience more hospitable, only you can do that work. Others can always support and guide you and spark insights, but ultimately you are your own boss ….” – Ethan Nichtern

Being a leader involves cultivating a “mindfulness” practice that includes finding time to slow down, tune in, and renew. Listed below are daily practices that executives have shared with me to help them be more mindful and show up grounded and calm, especially during difficult situations.

• For 5-20 minutes, sit quietly each morning (or meditate). Set your intention for the day.
• Before a meeting, conversation, or presentation, take a few minutes and write down your intention for that situation (e.g., to listen, remain calm, collaborate, ask good questions, etc.).

• When developing a new leadership skill or behavior, ask for feedback from a trusted colleague – how am I doing? Change is uncomfortable and reality testing is part of the process.
• Take three deep breaths before reacting to a situation or person and remind yourself of your intention. If needed, take a break in order to reflect and cool-off. A break can be anywhere from a few minutes to 24 hours.
• Take mini breaks during the day in order to reflect and gain perspective (e.g.,  exercise, leave the building, take a walk, or have a cup of tea).
• Exercise on a regular basis.
• Do not check email for first hour of waking up in the morning and turn off PDA one hour before going to bed.
• At the end of the day, review how things went and decide what to focus on for tomorrow.

Showing up intentional is a daily commitment and process, you will make mistakes, that’s normal but remember to be kind and gentle towards yourself.

Larry Rosenberg’s guidelines for Mindful Living

Step 1: When possible, do just one thing at a time.

Step 2: Pay full attention to what you are doing.

Step 3: When the mind wanders from what you are doing, bring it back.

Step 4: Repeat step 3 several billion times.

Step 5: Investigate your distractions.

You need not do anything.

Remain sitting at your table and listen.

You need not even listen, just wait, just learn to be quiet, still, and solitary.

And the world will freely offer itself to you unmasked.

It has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.

– Franz Kafka

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” – Dalai Lama

Most of the time we only listen to the first few words the other person is speaking before we begin formulating a response. And unfortunately, our response typically has little to do with the other person. And as a result, many of our conversations end up like the old “Who’s on First” Abbott and Costello routine.

So it’s not a surprise that many executives express that listening is an important communication skill and part of their continuous leadership development. Simple concept, not easy practice.

Why is it so challenging?

• We speak at 100-175 words a minute and think at 600-800 words a minute
• Attention span today is ONLY 2.5 seconds versus 15 seconds few generations back
• The mind is a chronic wanderer
• Too much constant stimulation – cell phones, email, etc.
• Involves being patient, which is challenging in our fast paced, “get it done now” world

Listening tips:

• Get present
• Slow down
• Remove distractions – e.g., turn cellphone on silent
• Listen without judgment
• Ask open ended, curious questions versus direct, yes and no
• Listen to the other person for the first five minutes
• Do not finish the sentence of the other person or interrupt
• Pay attention to the body language of the other person
• Listen for what is being said and for what is not