Rick Hanson, PhD, psychologist, and author of the book Resilient describes three things we can do to make a difference in the flow of our everyday lives. These three things are particularly relevant to the current COVID-19 pandemic and can support us in keeping our immune systems healthy and remaining steady in our minds, bodies, and hearts.

One: Be on Top of Not Getting Over Alarmed. As part of our human experience, we are evolutionary designed to be scared monkeys 🙈. We lean toward having a negativity bias and tend to live in more fear than is warranted. I don’t want to deny these are fearful times, it is normal to feel anxiety (everyone is anxious right now). We need to “feel what we feel” and be careful to give ourselves time for self-care and rest. Meditate, go for a walk, get plenty of sleep, eat healthy, exercise, unplug, bake, cook, and connect with positive friends via Zoom, phone, etc.

Two: Cultivate Positive Emotion. Stop and smell the roses 💐. Do not underestimate the power of expressing gratitude for everyday moments that could be easily overlooked. One exercise is to think of three new things each day you are grateful for and why. For example, bring attention to something good as it happens, reflect on something new and good that happened during the day, practice gratitude when you brush your teeth, before you go to bed or journal about a positive experience being as specific as possible to reinforce good feelings. As you reflect on gratitude, you are rewiring your brain toward being more positive.

Three: Focus on What You Do Have Influence Over. In our human experience, there are many things out of our control, like this current COVID-19 pandemic. Do your best to focus on where you do have some control and efficacy – including your own actions and behaviors like washing your hands 👌, practicing physical distancing (but social connection!), calling a neighbor in need, keeping with your routine, exercising, being respectful, doing something kind for yourself or someone else, etc.

Last month I shared the benefits of getting good sleep – including the ability to maintain positive mood and energy levels, be productive, make logical decisions, keep the immune system strong to fight infections and diseases like Alzheimers and cancer, slow the effects of aging, and increase longevity. (Click here for February newsletter Why Sleep Matters).

With the state of the world right now, especially the Coronavirus (COVID–19) pandemic, you may be having trouble getting to sleep or waking up in the middle of the night, having trouble falling back asleep. So before you reach for the Ambien to treat your insomnia, consider trying the body scan – a useful tool tool to settle an active mind and get a good night’s sleep.

What is the body scan? A deep investigation into the moment-to-moment felt experience of the body. By bringing awareness and acceptance to whatever you feel in the body, the body scan can be helpful in working with stress, anxiety, physical pain, and a racing mind because it increases the capacity of your pre-frontal cortex to self-regulate your nervous system, helping you feel more at ease.

• For a deeper dive to learn more about the body scan click here.
• For one page PDF instructions to guide yourself through a simple body scan click here.
  

Free Body Scan Meditation Recommendations 

• My favorite body scan is by Elisha Goldstein (30 minutes) see Insight Timer meditation app (free meditation app) or click here
• Longer vision (45 minutes) by Jon Kabat-Zinn on youtube click here
• Shorter version (20 minutes) by Elisha Goldstein – see on Insight Timer meditation app or click here
• Even shorter version (10 minutes) by Elisha Goldstein on youtube click here

Additional Resources

• Click here to read CNN’s How Corona Virus is About to Change Your Life
• Click here to listen to an excerpt of a talk Jack Kornfield (one of my favorite meditation teachers) gave with environmentalist Paul Hawken on March 2020 at Spirit Rock Meditation Center on how to stay grounded and steady as we navigate the spread of the Coronavirus and other challenges (28 minutes).

Stay safe, healthy and strong!

Matthew Walker, PhD, sleep expert and author of Why We Sleep, makes a compelling case for how sleep benefits our brains and bodies, how sleep is a nonnegotiable biological necessity, and that the shorter we sleep, the shorter we live – and has the research to back it up.

And unfortunately, most of us are not getting enough sleep. According to medical research, adults need between 7 hours 30 minutes to 8 hours 30 minutes of sleep each night. However, the average American adult sleeps only about 6 hours 40 minutes per night, so most of us are under slept by around 1 hour, according to Dr. Peter Attia.

Why Sleep Matters: Links to Effective Leadership, Health, and Well-Being
Our ability to be effective leaders in our organizations, communities and families, as well as healthy individuals, depends on getting a good night’s rest.

Leadership behaviors and skills that directly relate to sleep include our ability to

• Learn, memorize, and make logical decisions
• Navigate challenges
• Be productive
• Be creative
• Recalibrate our emotions and remain calm (mental health)
• Maintain good mood and energy levels

• Manage mental health (think of sleep as emotional first aid for mental health)
• Regulate appetite (weight management)
• Restock immune system to help fight malignancy, prevent infection, and ward off sickness
• Regulate hormones and promote reproductive health
• Help prevent diseases like cancer (bowel, prostrate, breast), Alzheimer’s, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease
• Drive safely, preventing car crashes and traffic accidents
• Slow the effects of aging and increases longevity

• Avoid alcohol before bed (because it robs you of REM sleep)
• Avoid caffeine about 7 to 8 hours before bed
• Maintain a regular sleep schedule, try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day
• Keep your bedroom cool (around 65 degrees Fahrenheit), dark, and gadget free

• Newsletter: Click here for more information, including Twelve Tips for Healthy Sleep, page 20 (other good sleep articles in this NIH newsletter)
• Video: Click here to watch Sleep is Your Superpower TED talk with Matt Walker. 19 minutes.
• Book: Click here to purchase Matthew Walker’s Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams
• Oura Sleep Tracking Ring: Click here to learn more about Oura. After hearing about the ring on Dan Harris’s Podcast, I purchased it. I love! the ring because it provides a daily sleep score that measures sleep contributors including total sleep, efficiency (% of time actually asleep after going to bed), REM, light, and deep sleep stages, latency (time it takes to fall asleep), timing (how aligned your sleep is with circadian rhythms), and resting heart rate (average and lowest throughout the night). I also like the daily readiness score which helps me gauge my physical activity for the upcoming day.
• Podcast: Dan Harris #221: Click here to listen to All Your Sleep Questions, Answered | Dr. Matthew Walker. In this episode, Dr. Walker shares significant findings on what happens to us when we do not get enough sleep. He also offers practical tips on how we can get more, quality sleep and how meditation can help. 2 hours 36 minutes.
• Podcast Series: Click here to listen to Pete Attia’s Podcast the drive #47 – Matthew Walker, Ph.D., on sleep – Part I of III: Dangers of poor sleep, Alzheimer’s risk, mental health, memory consolidation, and more. 1 hour 43 minutes.
• Podcast Series: Click here to listen to Pete Attia’s Podcast the drive #48 – Matthew Walker, Ph.D., on sleep – Part II of III: Heart disease, cancer, sexual function, and the causes of sleep disruption (and tips to correct it). 2 hours 4 minutes.
• Podcast Series: Click here to listen to Pete Attia’s Podcast the drive #49 – Matthew Walker, Ph.D., on sleep – Part III of III: The penetrating effects of poor sleep from metabolism to performance to genetics, and the impact of caffeine, alcohol, THC, and CBD on sleep, 2 hours 1 minute.

You may have set New Year’s resolutions or be in the process of setting them. As part of your resolutions, I’d like to challenge you to include an intention about how you want to feel this year.

If you are like the executives I coach, you are probably quite driven and mastered the “doing part”, so I’d like to encourage you to set an intention based on how you want to feel in 2020 and let that be the motivator for what you do in the world and how you show up.

Here is a simple yet powerful intention you can say to yourself at the start of your day, throughout the day, or before you fall asleep. I like to say these phrases to myself when I am feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and want to feel more personally resourced.

Feel free to use the following blessing or adapt the language to make it your own:

May I feel safe
May I feel happy
May I feel healthy and strong
May I feel at ease

These phrases are not meant to be a mantra, but rather a blessing, so try noticing and welcoming (without judgment) whatever feelings arise for you. Sometimes you will feel something and other times you will feel nothing. Whatever arises for you is okay because you are planting seeds that will blossom when they are ready.

Happy 2020!

“We live in a materialistic world that pays insufficient attention to human values. We seek satisfaction in material things instead of warm-heartedness. But human beings are social animals. We need friendship and that depends on trust. Building trust requires concern for others and defending their rights, not doing them harm. Friendship is directly linked to warm-heartedness, which is also good for our physical health”.

                                                                                                        – The Dalai Lama

Idiot compassion …
refers to something we all do a lot of and call it compassion.
In some ways, it’s what’s called enabling.
It’s the general tendency to give people what they want
because you can’t bear to see them suffering.
Basically, you’re not giving them what they need.
You’re trying to get away from your feeling of
I can’t bear to see them suffering.
In other words, you’re doing it for yourself.
You’re not really doing it for them.
– Pema Chodron

In my work, I’ve learned that leaders who show up with wise compassion – that is with presence, deep listening skills, and appropriate boundaries – have richer connections and are better able to inspire their teams, manage their schedules, delegate tasks, provide valuable feedback, and mentor their colleagues – which leads to better business results.

What is Wise Compassion?

Wise compassion includes empathy (the ability to listen deeply to, understand, and experience what another person is feeling) plus the desire to help the other person who is suffering. What makes wise compassion a skill is that it requires our willingness and ability to tolerate our own uncomfortable feelings in order to take the action that truly helps the other person while being true to ourselves in terms of values, self-respect, and appropriate boundaries.

What is Idiot Compassion?

Idiot compassion occurs when we convince ourselves that we are helping the other person but what we are really doing is taking or not taking the right action to avoid feeling our own emotional discomfort. This approach can inhibit the other person’s growth and lead to overwhelm or resentment for us.

Examples of how Idiot Compassion Shows Up at Home and Work

• Offering advice versus being present with and listening to the other person and trusting them to find a solution. This shows up at when we try to “fix” a situation for someone versus trusting in the other person’s potential by being present, asking open ended questions to help them figure out what they want to do, and trust that even if they makes a mistake, they will learn and grow from the situation.
• Not providing honest, constructive feedback because of fear of hurting the receiver’s feelings. Providing direct, honest, and constructive feedback takes courage and, if delivered with a generosity of spirit, can be life changing (and a relief!) for the receiver.

• Not delegating because of feelings of guilt or having trust issues. Doing something ourselves that should be delegated because we don’t want to burden others with more work or have issues letting go deprives the other person of an opportunity to grow and learn.
• Quickly agreeing to take on a project versus taking enough time to understand if your team is sufficiently resourced to deliver. What can make this a challenge is our tendency to people please, our desire to be the hero, having enough patience to understand what the project really entails, and having the courage to say no when the request is not realistic.

Steps for Showing Up with Wise Compassion

• What does the other person truly need in this situation? For example, they might need for me to listen deeply and be present with them without providing immediate advice. They may need space and time to figure it out on their own, or they may need additional resources and support.
• As I help this other person, what are my personal boundaries so that I don’t go into hero or rescue mode? And what do I need to in order to feel like I am being valued and respected versus feeling resentful or taken advantage of?
• What are my watch-outs? How might my fear of being with my own discomfort get in my way of doing the right thing? Or my need to be right, nice, or liked?
• How can I stay grounded and non-reactive while being with and managing my own emotional discomfort so that I can truly help the other person? Self-management strategies include: I will practice straw breathing (see below, a tool many clients love!) or prepare in advance by writing it out and/or reviewing with a trusted friend or go for a walk.
• What might I need to let go of in order to truly help this person? For example, my ego, my image, my desire for a quick fix, or my short-term emotional comfort.

Straw Breathing for Self-Regulation
A fight with a partner, a disagreement with a co-worker, someone cutting you off in traffic, or feeling nervous about an upcoming speaking engagement can be a trigger. Straw breathing is a simple tool that can help you down regulate and be in charge of your own physiology. Click here to learn more with Fleet Maull.