I’ve been feeling a bit unsettled and unanchored lately. In so many ways, my clients, friends, and people in my community remind me that I’m not alone. Times are tough, with ongoing geopolitical conflicts, divisive domestic politics, economic uncertainty, and a polarized public discourse that affect us all. Even people who are usually steady and kind don’t always show up that way right now.

I’d like to share a few practices that have resonated with my clients and with me personally. These practices help us face the world — and ourselves — with honesty, while also doing “the work” to remain grounded, calm, compassionate, and effective as leaders in every part of our lives.

Click here for a guided meditation called On Being with Suffering by Norman Fischer (20 minutes). This meditation reminds us that difficult emotions are a normal part of life, present even in good times, and especially during tough times.

Click here for a guided meditation on Forgiveness by Norman Fischer (17 minutes). This meditation acknowledges how challenging the world, ourselves, and others can be. Forgiveness is not quick or easy — it is a gradual process that requires patience, effort, and consistency.

Click here for a guided meditation on Loving Kindness with Elisha Goldstein (7 minutes). This meditation trains the mind to shift toward positivity and the body to feel more grounded. By planting seeds of compassion and kindness, we can show up with greater balance and confidence.

These are the practices that clients and I have been leaning on lately, and they’ve helped me stay present and grounded when life feels uncertain. I hope you’ll try one or two for a few weeks and notice what opens for you.

While sipping matcha and coffee with my dear friend Nancy, I was struck by something she didn’t seem to realize, something we often call a “blind spot” in the coaching world: she’s an amazing yoga teacher.

You see, Nancy teaches yoga at two studios in Princeton and has a devoted following. People genuinely love her and her classes. Nancy and I met eight years ago during yoga teacher training, back when we were both new to teaching and needed more than a gentle nudge just to stand in front of the room and lead.

Now, her voice is strong, her guidance steady, and her students fiercely loyal. Nancy is the kind of person who lights up a room. People literally smile at the mention of her name. And yet, she has no idea how deeply she’s admired or how much well-being, resilience, and joy she has brought to our community.

As we chat over our drinks, I tell Nancy again how much people value her teaching, and she looks genuinely surprised. I find myself repeating it, encouraging her to truly own it.

This moment reminded me of a truth I’ve seen time and again over more than 20 years of leadership coaching: quality feedback is a gift. And the ability to both offer and receive it is a skill, one that requires intention, a clear process, consistent practice, and courage. It’s essential to our growth as leaders, both personally and professionally.

We can’t always see ourselves clearly. Sometimes we’re stuck inside ourselves, unable to see what the world so clearly sees. We need honest, thoughtful feedback, delivered skillfully by people we trust, to help us recognize our strengths and own our gifts.

Given the current global climate — including war, ongoing conflicts, geopolitical tensions, divisive politics, and economic uncertainty — many of my clients (and I) are experiencing a kind of emotional heaviness. A recurring theme has emerged: a need to make peace and practice forgiveness — with the world, with our leaders, our colleagues, our family members, and sometimes even with ourselves.

Keep in mind, forgiveness is often a slow and painful process; we do it for ourselves, not the other person. We forgive, but we don’t forget; we don’t condone bad behavior. Forgiveness allows us to take control of our own destiny, understand that those in pain often cause pain, accept what is, let go of emotional suffering, and ultimately show up lighter and freer. This emotional clarity and release are essential for executive leaders who strive to maintain composure, presence, and energy — especially when navigating high-pressure or emotionally charged situations.

A recent episode of NPR’s Fresh Air, featuring painter Titus Kaphar, titled “Exhibiting Forgiveness,” offered a powerful reflection on what it truly means to forgive. Several key themes stood out:

• Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same, even though we often treat them as interchangeable.
• You can forgive without continuing the relationship; reconciliation is optional.
• Forgiveness is primarily about us, not about the other person.
• It allows us to unburden ourselves — to say, “I’m not carrying this anymore. It’s too heavy. I’m done with it.”
• Forgiveness requires the renegotiation of boundaries — deciding what you will and will not allow going forward.

Additional Resources on Forgiveness

• Watch the film Exhibiting Forgiveness (R, 2024, 1h 57m) on your favorite streaming service — included with Hulu membership or available for rental elsewhere.
• Click here to listen to the painter Titus Kaphar on Exhibiting Forgiveness on NPR’s Fresh Air podcast with Terry Gross (43 minutes).
• Click here to listen to and practice a forgiveness meditation with Norman Fischer, a client and personal favorite (18 minutes).
• Click here to download a worksheet to help you establish a forgiveness practice through meditation or journaling.
• Click here to watch and reflect on Jack Kornfield’s 12 Principles of Forgiveness (14 minutes).
• Click here to read How to Show Up Cheerful During Tough Times, which includes many resources for cultivating and sustaining joy.

“Little Dog’s Rhapsody in the Night” by Mary Oliver

He puts his cheek against mine

and makes small, expressive sounds.

And when I’m awake, or awake enough

he turns upside down, his four paws

in the air

and his eyes dark and fervent.

“Tell me you love me,” he says.

“Tell me again.”

Could there be a sweeter arrangement? Over and over

he gets to ask.

I get to tell.

My husband and I had a wonderful weekend—dinners out, barbecuing, baking, and spending time with friends. Our home was full of conversation, laughter, and good food. Even our dog, The Bear—a sweet, extroverted lover of all beings—had a great time.

And yet, I found myself completely wiped out. I kept thinking: too much of a good thing can still be too much. Even joyful occasions can leave us feeling overwhelmed. I felt exhausted and overstimulated—until I glanced over at The Bear, passed out on a pillow on the couch, refusing to move. That was my cue: time to pause, recharge, and take a breath.

That moment got me thinking—not just about my own exhaustion, but about how often we push past our limits in the name of doing more, especially in leadership.

For many leaders, constant stress and the potential for exhaustion are a quiet undercurrent of daily life—driven by pressures that include meeting revenue and profit goals, managing difficult team dynamics, navigating tariffs and shifting political landscapes, and carrying responsibility for decisions that affect people and outcomes, to name just a few.

In this month’s newsletter, I want to share a simple but powerful practice I brought home from a recent hiking, biking, and meditation retreat at the Himalayan Institute: diaphragmatic belly breathing. This technique has been helping me reset, recharge, and show up with greater ease and presence.

My massage therapist, Nema Nyar, also emphasized the importance of activating the parasympathetic nervous system—the body’s natural “rest and digest” mode—through diaphragmatic belly breathing. It’s one of the most effective and accessible ways to quiet the mind and calm the body.

Recognizing the need to slow down and reset isn’t just about self-care—it’s foundational to how we show up as leaders in our personal lives, communities, and organizations. Grounded, intentional presence begins with regulating our breath—and ourselves.

Animals Know When to Rest

Animals naturally breathe diaphragmatically, especially when they are at rest or feeling safe. In fact, watching a relaxed animal—like a dog lying on its side or a cat curled in a sunny spot—is one of the best demonstrations of deep, belly-centered breathing.

How Animals Breathe at Rest

• When calm, their abdomen rises and falls gently—a sign of diaphragmatic belly breathing.
• Their chest barely moves, because the diaphragm is doing the work.
• Their breath is quiet, slow, and rhythmic, naturally regulating their nervous system.

Why This Matters (and What We Can Learn)

• Animals don’t override their breath with tension or overthinking—humans do.
• Under stress, we tend to breathe shallowly, using the upper chest.
• Animals don’t cling to thoughts—they follow their body’s cues, which helps keep them regulated and grounded—something we, too, can relearn.

Ever Watch a Sleeping Dog?

• You’ll see their belly move in and out slowly, sometimes followed by a big sigh—a natural nervous system “reset.”
• That sigh is a natural parasympathetic (rest and digest) response—the body’s way of saying: “I’m safe. I can let go.”

In Summary

Yes, animals do diaphragmatic belly breathing by default, especially in restful states. It’s part of how they stay regulated and recover from stress—something humans can consciously relearn by observing and practicing the same technique.

In Memory of Friday 2/28/11-7/29/24.
I will never forget you!

Recently, I heard Glennon Doyle talk about judgment as a survival technique — something I had never really considered before. But as she spoke, the idea that we judge others to protect ourselves began to make sense. It even helped me see and appreciate my mother, who passed away 17 months ago, in a new light. I came to understand that she may have judged others to manage her own emotions and sense of identity — and that I need to be aware of that same pattern in myself, so I don’t repeat it.

That insight — that we judge others as a form of self-protection — sparked a desire to take a deeper dive into the topic, which I’m exploring in this month’s newsletter.

Why We Judge: A Summary
Judging others is a natural human behavior, rooted in both evolutionary and psychosocial factors. While it can sometimes feel negative or unfair, it serves several psychological and social purposes:

• Mental Shortcuts: We make quick judgments to conserve mental energy and navigate our environments efficiently — a survival tactic that helped early humans assess safety, trustworthiness, and risk.
• Social Norms and Belonging: Judgment reinforces group values by flagging behaviors that don’t align with shared expectations, helping maintain group cohesion and encouraging conformity.
• Self-Esteem and Identity: Comparing ourselves to others can bolster our sense of competence or morality, shaping how we see ourselves in relation to others and within social groups.
• Sense of Control: Judging others gives us a way to organize and predict our interactions, offering a sense of order in an otherwise uncertain and unpredictable world.
• Emotional Regulation: Sometimes, judgment acts as a defense mechanism — allowing us to deflect our own discomfort or insecurities by focusing outward.

Judgment helps us evaluate risk, foster connection and belonging, bolster self-esteem, and make sense of a complex world. The challenge for leaders is learning how to balance this natural tendency with empathy, curiosity, and conscious awareness of our biases.

Why Understanding Our Judging Mind Matters
As leaders – in organizations, communities, and families ­– our role isn’t to eliminate judgment; it’s to notice when it shows up, understand where it’s coming from, and choose how we respond. When we do that well, the benefits cascade across our teams, our culture, and our lives.

What Does this Look Like in Practice?
By fostering psychological safety, curiosity, diversity, and emotional regulation, leaders can help themselves and others manage the downsides of a judgmental mind.

• Psychological Safety: People are more likely to speak up, admit mistakes, and take smart risks when they don’t fear being harshly judged
• Curiosity: Teams feel more connected, engaged, and open with leaders who show up as fair, thoughtful, and curious.
• Diversity: Nonjudgmental environments invite people to share new ideas and different perspectives — even when they challenge the status quo.
• Emotional Regulation: Practicing nonjudgment means regulating your own reactions, tuning into others, and responding with intention — all foundational to strong, human-centered leadership.

How to Manage Our Judging Minds
We can’t turn off our judgment — but we can pause, slow down, and engage our minds more intentionally, allowing space for curiosity, compassion, and more thoughtful leadership.

Here are a few thought questions to help us manage our judging minds:

• Can I pause my initial reactions and shift to a more curious mind state?
• What might I learn from this person’s perspective — especially if it differs from mine or the group’s point of view?
• Especially when I disagree, how can I suspend judgment, truly listen, and mirror back what I’m hearing so the other person feels seen and stays engaged?
• How can I separate the behavior from the person, and avoid taking it personally?
• How can I focus on bringing out the best in this person, even if we’re not naturally aligned?

In Closing
Judging is a natural human tendency — it’s how we make sense of the world and protect ourselves. But when left unchecked, it can lead to bias, disconnection, and missed opportunities.

As leaders, the goal isn’t to eliminate judgment, but to notice it, slow it down, and choose how we respond. When we do, we create space for stronger relationships, better decisions, and more inclusive, high-performing teams.

Deeper Dive
Click here to listen to“Why Am I Like This?” with Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach on the Ten Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris (52 minutes).

In an inspiring episode of the 10% Happier podcast titled “Are You Letting Politics Make You Bitter or Better? A Psychological Survival Conversation with CNN’s Van Jones,” Dan Harris and Van Jones explore how we can stay calm, grounded, and even hopeful during politically challenging and divisive times. While the conversation centers on politics, its message carries broader relevance—offering guidance on how we can show up even, sane, helpful, and compassionate leaders in both our personal and professional lives.

Right now, a lot of people are feeling emotionally, mentally, and even morally worn down by the current administration, the political climate, and the economy. A term I recently came across—”Trump anxiety disorder”—while it may sound exaggerated, reflects how deeply this moment is affecting people. Business leaders are also feeling the heat, navigating economic uncertainty, shifting markets, and workforce challenges. It’s a lot—and it can make staying hopeful, clear, and engaged feel harder than ever.

Jones and Harris remind us that even in difficult times, we still have some agency. While we may not be able to control external events or how others show up, we can choose how we respond. They describe how they manage their professional lives by staying grounded in purpose and responding to difficulty with intention rather than reactivity. One of the most practical tools they share is the ability to shift their emotional and mental state through something as simple as managing the length of their breath, their posture, and sense of purpose. Jones explains that when he lengthens his breath (by dropping down into his diagram) or puts his shoulders back and stands up straight, it sends a signal to his mind that he is strong. These small physical choices help him show up with clarity and strength, rather than fear or anxiety.

Their conversation invites us to reflect on how our brains are wired—and encourages us to actively retrain our minds so we can show up with clarity, curiosity, and compassion, even when the world feels overwhelming. It’s about developing the emotional discipline to stay open, creative, and resilient—especially in moments when it would be easier to shut down or lash out.

Jones also challenges us to consider not just what we do, but who we choose to be. Instead of asking, “What should I say or do?” he encourages us to ask, “How do I want to be in this moment?” He mentions that sometimes he chooses to be curious, sometimes clear—and that he makes a conscious effort to show up with humanity and vulnerability.

As Jones puts it, “You don’t shrink by learning, you grow by learning.”

The episode closes with a few thoughtful questions that help us become more intentional in how we show up, especially under pressure:

• What is my mission? What do I want to contribute? Jones shares that his mission in life is to help create a human civilization that works.
• How do I want to be—not just in moments of ease, but in moments of discomfort?
• What can I let go of—ego, judgment, reactivity—that no longer serves me or those around me?

Ultimately, this episode isn’t just about politics—it’s about cultivating the inner capacity to show up with purpose, clarity, curiosity, and compassion, especially in divided times.

For a deeper dive, click here to listen to “Are You Letting Politics Make You Bitter or Better? A Psychological Survival Conversation with CNN’s Van Jones,” on the Ten Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris (21 minutes).