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“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen Hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”      ― Mary Anne Radmacher

2015 has kicked off and many of us feel inclined to set resolutions. But according to Forbes, 40% of Americans make New Year’s resolutions and only 8% keep them. So instead of setting resolutions, what if we were gentle with ourselves and committed to living intentionally?

Try thinking about how you want to “show up” each day. Each morning, set aside five or ten minutes to reflect on your intention for the day. That is…how do you want to “show up” for yourself, your family, friends, and co-workers?

Throughout and at the end of the day take time to reflect on and notice how you’re doing in a manner that is free of harsh judgment and criticism towards yourself. Be light about it, you’re smart and self-aware enough to figure it out.

Intentions clients have shared about how they want to “show up” at home and work:

• Slow down and listen.
• Be a better mentor and coach.
• Delegate more.
• Be more patient.
• Be kinder and have more compassion for self and others.
• Take better care of myself; eat healthier; exercise 3 times/week.
• Take time out to reflect and set vision for my team.
• Be present and show up with lightness and joy.
• Let go of what I can’t control and focus on what I can.
• Don’t take things personally because I can’t control actions of others.
• Stay grounded and calm during difficult moments.
• Be a source of peace and calmness for others.  

Joyful, healthy, prosperous, and peaceful 2015.
Cathy

“We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement.”
– Pema Chodron

“What if we gave up being attached to a certain outcome and just let it be – not worrying about how things might or might not turn out – even accepting that there might not be a resolution – and lived in the open space of today, this moment, right now with lightness and joy?”      – Cathy Q. Bailey

“A Mindful Leadership Story by Sonya Legg, Ph.D.”

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm, and harmony.” – Thomas Merton

When I started my freshman year at Oxford University, I was excited to major in physics and participate in many different extra-curricular activities. However, I quickly learned that others, including my physics professor, had different ideas about how I should be spending my time. At the start of the year, my professor asked me what I did with my free time and I replied that I enjoyed may activities like rowing, running, and singing in the choir. Little did I know that we had different ideas around the importance of balance and enrichment beyond academics.

Shortly after that conversation, I attended a meeting with my professor and the dean and realized that naively, I had over shared. The professor talked with the dean as if I weren’t in the room, saying something like, “Sonya has a real attitude problem and needs to focus on her work. If she wants to succeed she is going to have to devote herself to physics, and only physics.” He then turned to me and said, “So Sonya, what do you have to say for yourself?”  Feeling betrayed and caught off guard, I was unable to answer his question.

I left the meeting feeling deflated, moped around a bit, and even contemplated dropping out of Oxford. But thankfully a good friend encouraged me to continue, telling me “have the courage to be who you are.” And in the end, that’s what I did. It occurred to me that my supposed mentor, my physics professor, was quite narrow-minded. Fortunately, for me, my first term final exam results proved him wrong and I excelled.

The most important lesson I learned during college was that if I did not take time to renew and enjoy non-academic activities, I risked burning out and not feeling motivated enough to excel academically. Despite my professor’s best efforts, I rebelled against his idea of being a “true scientist” and have not looked back. I’m still running, singing in a choir, and enjoying the fun activities that help me manage stress, gain perspective, and show up grounded.

Over the years, I have found that one of the best ways to solve a challenging scientific problem is to go for a run, clear my mind, and let things sort themselves out. Now that I am an established professor and scientist, I have the opportunity to encourage students, both men and women, to take time out, explore, and lead balanced lives. I am also proud to say that my husband and I are raising two daughters, who are not only thriving academically, but also growing as well rounded people as they explore the outdoors, play their musical instruments, and enjoy cultural activities.

Sonya Allayne Legg earned a PhD in Dynamical meteorology and oceanography from Imperial College, UK and a BA in Physics with first class honors from Oxford University, UK. She currently works at Princeton University as the Associate Director of the Cooperative Institute for Climate Science and a Research Oceanographer in the Program in Atmospheric and Oceanic Sciences.

Sonya is passionate about mentoring women scientists and is involved in PWiGs (Princeton Women in Geosciences) at Princeton University and a co-leader of MPOWIR (Mentoring Physical Oceanography Women to Increase Retention, a nationwide mentoring program). She enjoys spending time with her husband and two daughters as well as gardening, singing, running, and traveling. Sonya’s most recent accomplishment includes training for and completing the Princeton half marathon.

“A Mindful Leadership Story by Cathy Quartner Bailey”

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what
you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.                             –  Oprah Winfrey

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays – we have the opportunity to take a step back and reflect on what we’re grateful for and share the day with family and friends. I wrote this story when my father was alive – it continues to stay with me – and I’d like to share it this Thanksgiving in his memory….

Thanksgiving 2007

This year is especially meaningful for my family as my father and mother drive to New Jersey to share Thanksgiving with us. We are grateful that my dad is with us, because as he often says, “I’m damn lucky to be here ….almost bought the store, and not just once!”

Thankfully my father’s situation has improved and he is on the road to better health as he recovers from aspiration pneumonia and the complications of his illness. Now I watch this man I love find the courage to deal with life on new terms, one where he wears a “trach,” uses a feeding tube, and is dependent on oxygen – maybe for the long term, hopefully for the short. He shows gratitude for each new day: a walk around the neighborhood, a good night’s sleep, a visit from a friend, or the occasional sip of ice cold water he sneaks when he thinks no one is watching.

There is amazing power in recognizing what we are grateful for. Recently a few of my clients have expressed they were “stuck” in a negative mindset. We talked about keeping a gratitude journal.

I’ve learned from the experiences of clients, as well as my own, that writing in a journal helps bring better energy and perspective to our lives. If you feel “stuck” and are not enjoying life as much as you’d like to, try keeping a “gratitude” journal, and see what shifts for you. Over time you’ll see the impact that focusing on the things in life you’re thankful for has on improving your positive mindset.

In addition, we know based on research that going into a state of gratitude helps us gain perspective, show up happier, and be more mindful. Mindfulness is the ability to tune into one’s self and others & show up more centered.

Consider taking a few minutes each night and journaling about the following questions:

What surprised me today?

What moved me today?

What inspired me today?

My journal entry from November 25, 2007

I was surprised by how much my mother needed my father in her life; anyway she could have him. And by my dad’s courage to fight for his life, even when it meant putting aside his ego and living in a way he would have never thought he could or would have to.

I was moved by my father’s courage and wonderful sense of humor during a challenging time. On many occasions when the nurse showed up with yet another needle, my father jokingly referred to himself as a “human pin cushion.” And when one doctor told him he had lung cancer and 6 months left to live, Dad walked out, laughed, and said, “Don’t think I haven’t heard that before – if I heard it once, I’ve heard it a dozen times.” Thankfully the doctor was wrong.

I am inspired to give more to someone in need because I have learned that while I thought I was the one giving, I was really the one receiving.

I am especially grateful to my family, friends, work associates, and clients who supported me during this time so I could give to my dad what he needed and help him get stronger.

Happy, Healthy Thanksgiving!

“A Mindful Leadership Story by Joan Spindel”

“I learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything…at least not at the same time. So think in terms of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them. Timing is everything.” – Dan Millman.

In my twenties, finding a job to pay the rent, learn, expand my social network and travel the world were my only objectives. Timing in life is everything and thankfully it was the 1980’s during the technology boom, and while I had no real work experience, hard workers were needed, and I successfully talked my way into and landed my first job.

In my thirties, I transitioned out of my individual contributor role and started leading and managing teams. I was often the only woman leading a meeting or presenting at a conference; no female role models nor mentors existed for me, but despite that, I did okay. I never really thought about “leaning in or leaning out.” There were no fancy formulas – I worked hard, learned new skills, and delivered results. So, while it wasn’t part of any grand plan, I ended up working for organizations like EMC, Lotus and IBM – early pioneers and innovators in the world of technology. In time, I became Chief Marketing Office for a sexy technology start-up. Life was good.

It was also during this time that I met my husband (another technology geek!), fell in love, got married, and decided to start a family. There was a sudden shift in my values – excelling at work seemed less important and having a baby became my new focus. Unfortunately it didn’t go as planned and I learned I was not able to conceive. It was a difficult and painful time for me. But in the end, my husband and I decided to explore adoption. It turned out to be the best decision of our lives. We soon welcomed a beautiful baby boy into our family. It was love at first sight.

Ironically, when our son came home, I was also offered my dream job at a Fortune 500 company. It quickly became apparent that I wouldn’t be able to honor my family values and be an executive at the same time. Despite really wanting the job, in the end I turned down the offer. I knew I needed flexibility and that that role was not where I would find what I needed.

After much internal debate, I decided to go it alone and set up my own tech marketing consulting firm. It wasn’t so easy to leave an exciting job with benefits, steady income, and fancy title that commanded respect.  And given my introverted nature, I was not sure I had the chutzpah to make it on my own. But over time, my professional network and diverse work experience helped me land clients and fortunately for me my business grew.

In my new role as an independent consultant, I redefined personal and professional success. The ability to scale business up or down in order to meet my own personal needs became more important than titles, teams, and steady income. I have come to learn, and truly appreciate, that while not always easy, honoring my own values versus allowing others to define what’s important to me, is what true success looks like.

My family life is rich and my son is a flourishing teenager. Because I met life on my own terms, I have been able to be mindful about how I want to show up as a mother, wife, daughter, friend, and professional woman. And ultimately define and live my own definition of success.

Joan Spindel, General Partner of the Scarsdale Group, has 20+ years of experience creating and developing marketing strategies and tactics for both high technology and services led companies.  She provides consulting services to a variety of organizations including Fortune 100 firms, start-ups and non-profits. She helps organizations launch new products/ventures (“Launch It’) or solve problems (“Fix It”), often filling in as acting CMO for companies in transition.

In her spare time, Joan enjoys hosting parties, working out at the gym, painting, and spending time with her husband and son.

“A Mindful Leadership Story by Christopher Stevenson”

During my junior year of college, I became enamored with the sport of rowing and decided to give it a try. I signed up for the rowing club, attended practices, and set an ambitious goal of earning a seat on the “first boat” –  that is the top tier rowers on the team – particularly challenging given I was competing against others who had been rowing since freshman year or earlier.

I started training and continued to fall in love with the sport of rowing. Not only did my body become strong and lean, but I enjoyed the camaraderie of fellow rowers and the beautiful sunsets along the river. However, I was not yet aware of the true gift rowing would teach me.

In order to earn a spot on the “first boat,” we needed to pass a 2500 meter test. Because I was already a junior and a novice, I was nervous and fearful I would fail. My goal was to finish in sub 8:40 (8 minutes, 40 seconds).

After a considerable amount of physical training, it was now time to take the test and see if I could earn a spot on “first boat.” So, with butterflies in my stomach, I took a deep breath and started rowing. The first 1500 meters were a breeze and I remember thinking, “Wow! I’m at a sub 8:30 pace – that’s even better than my sub 8:40 goal!”

Unfortunately, things quickly changed. My heart was beating faster than I could take, and my legs were on fire…In other words, I was well past my pain threshold, and my mind took over – and not in a good way. I could not mentally push through the pain and hang in there. And, with just 700 meters to go, I began to slow down. I started gasping for air and could not complete the test. I have never forgotten the look of disappointment in Coach Bob’s eyes or the feeling of being a complete failure.

Rowing was no longer just about sunsets and having a good time. I would have to change my focus in order to meet my goal. After spending several days moping around and contemplating quitting, I realized failure was not an option and decided to give it my all.

I shifted my focus from the physical to include mental preparation. I practiced rowing, but more importantly, how to calm my mind and manage through the physical discomfort. I visualized successfully achieving my goal. I was prepared for the next opportunity, mentally and physically, and earned a spot on the “first boat.”

This turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life. Not only did I learn a valuable lesson about resilience and mental preparation, but I also went on to have a rewarding, competitive rowing career during college and beyond. The challenges I faced during my college rowing years are not unlike the challenges I face today in the business world and raising two daughters.

As a team leader, my focus continues to be on how I mentally prepare myself and manage my own discomfort, in order to do what’s best for our team and the business. Focusing on “how I show up,” for others and myself, is as important as understanding the business issues. Taking time out each day to reflect and renew has made it possible for me to remain calm, centered, and manage through tough situations and decisions.

As the father of two daughters who focus on their academics, participate in competitive sports, music, and other extra-curricular activities, I try to instill the value of meeting challenges head on and never giving up. I remind them that we often learn more from our failures than our successes … and to ask the important questions:

• How dedicated are we?
• How resilient?
• And, ultimately, how mentally prepared are we to face the tough moments, to remain calm and centered, and to achieve our goals?

I continue to be inspired by Chris’s leadership style. He always shows up calm and grounded during challenging situations, and he is always kind.

Christopher Stevenson is head of research and development for a reputable risk services firm and works in the areas of risk analytics, security and software development. He is an avid athlete, still training in rowing (though sometimes in his garage!), biking and running. He lives in New Jersey and enjoys spending time with his wife and two daughters.

In a recent coaching session, I shared with a client the concept of taking a few minutes to reflect about how he wanted to show up for an important meeting, that is how to be more mindful and grounded so the other person in the room walked away with the right impression. A simple idea my client had overlooked and was excited to try. I encouraged him to take a few minutes and write down exactly how he wanted to show up at his meeting. That is – what kind of impression did he want to make at the meeting? He even agreed to take a few dry runs by having his wife videotape a practice session (the beauty of iPhones and iPads!).

After an important but stressful meeting, another client, who was being bullied by her boss, called to tell me her meeting went well for the first 45 minutes, but instead of taking a quick coffee break to step back and remind herself of her goals to be grounded and non-reactive, she kept on going and as a result did not maintain her goals for the second half of the meeting. Lesson learned: take the 5 minute coffee break!

Many executives are focused on mindful leadership and have shared with me different strategies on how they focus on showing up grounded and present – whether it’s jotting down on a note card how they want to show up or taking 30 seconds to clear their mind as they transition through the door to a new meeting or scheduling time in their hectic calendars to reflect and strategize about their upcoming, busy week.

In our fast-paced world, where many of us are expected to “run” from meeting to meeting and think instantly and brilliantly on our feet – it is important – yet a challenge – to take a few minutes, step back, and think about how we want to show up.

Recently I’ve become curious about how certain professionals have a knack for showing up calm, grounded and able to handle pressure, uncertainty and even chaos. What experiences have helped? What do they do as part of their normal routines so they maintain presence?

So over the last year, I started a conversation with such leaders.

So you may have noticed, I have been and will be featuring a series of stories written by individuals I personally know to that have strong leadership presence.

As always, I would love to hear how you show up more mindfully – so feel free to drop me an email and let me know how you’ve learned to show up more mindfully.

“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.” – Unknown

I recently coached an individual who was struggling with how he should show up when communicating with a difficult colleague. He explained to me that whenever there was a disagreement, his peer would start lashing out and ultimately play “win-lose” – that is say anything to make him appear like the righteous one and my client the bad guy. My client would leave the interaction feeling triggered and it would take time to cool off and get grounded.

While it’s not always this extreme, many of my clients struggle with difficult situations and people. So what can we do? How do we show up when someone does not want to engage in an open conversation, and play fair? While good communication strategies and proven tools often improve difficult situations and critical conversations – what do we do when they don’t? How do we remain grounded and non-reactive to the other person?

My client used the following mantra, “Accept, Let Go, Compassion.” He explained as follows:

• Accept how the other person communicates and accept that I feel triggered when these interactions occur.
• Let Go of the need to fix the situation (he realized he could not).
• Have Compassion for himself and his colleague. He understood that if his peer felt the need to lash out he probably wasn’t feeling so good about himself.

My client also started a meditation practice – 10-15 minutes per day. He meditated on the words, “Accept, Let Go, and Compassion.” He found over time he was able to take more of the balcony view, that is visualize himself from above the conversation, and show up more as an observer during these difficult conversations – rather than be in a reactive, angry mode. Inspiring.

My client found a way to establish better boundaries, take care of himself, and show up grounded and calm. And while it was never perfect, things did slightly improve between the two of them.

If you want more ideas on how to show up grounded and calm here is a link to a former blog I wrote Managing Your Lizard Brain: How to Stop Your Triggers!