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“Nobody can get into the heart of your experience and fix anything for you. If you want to make your own internal experience more hospitable, only you can do that work. Others can always support and guide you and spark insights, but ultimately you are your own boss ….” – Ethan Nichtern

Being a leader involves cultivating a “mindfulness” practice that includes finding time to slow down, tune in, and renew. Listed below are daily practices that executives have shared with me to help them be more mindful and show up grounded and calm, especially during difficult situations.

• For 5-20 minutes, sit quietly each morning (or meditate). Set your intention for the day.
• Before a meeting, conversation, or presentation, take a few minutes and write down your intention for that situation (e.g., to listen, remain calm, collaborate, ask good questions, etc.).

• When developing a new leadership skill or behavior, ask for feedback from a trusted colleague – how am I doing? Change is uncomfortable and reality testing is part of the process.
• Take three deep breaths before reacting to a situation or person and remind yourself of your intention. If needed, take a break in order to reflect and cool-off. A break can be anywhere from a few minutes to 24 hours.
• Take mini breaks during the day in order to reflect and gain perspective (e.g.,  exercise, leave the building, take a walk, or have a cup of tea).
• Exercise on a regular basis.
• Do not check email for first hour of waking up in the morning and turn off PDA one hour before going to bed.
• At the end of the day, review how things went and decide what to focus on for tomorrow.

Showing up intentional is a daily commitment and process, you will make mistakes, that’s normal but remember to be kind and gentle towards yourself.

Larry Rosenberg’s guidelines for Mindful Living

Step 1: When possible, do just one thing at a time.

Step 2: Pay full attention to what you are doing.

Step 3: When the mind wanders from what you are doing, bring it back.

Step 4: Repeat step 3 several billion times.

Step 5: Investigate your distractions.

You need not do anything.

Remain sitting at your table and listen.

You need not even listen, just wait, just learn to be quiet, still, and solitary.

And the world will freely offer itself to you unmasked.

It has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.

– Franz Kafka

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” – Dalai Lama

Most of the time we only listen to the first few words the other person is speaking before we begin formulating a response. And unfortunately, our response typically has little to do with the other person. And as a result, many of our conversations end up like the old “Who’s on First” Abbott and Costello routine.

So it’s not a surprise that many executives express that listening is an important communication skill and part of their continuous leadership development. Simple concept, not easy practice.

Why is it so challenging?

• We speak at 100-175 words a minute and think at 600-800 words a minute
• Attention span today is ONLY 2.5 seconds versus 15 seconds few generations back
• The mind is a chronic wanderer
• Too much constant stimulation – cell phones, email, etc.
• Involves being patient, which is challenging in our fast paced, “get it done now” world

Listening tips:

• Get present
• Slow down
• Remove distractions – e.g., turn cellphone on silent
• Listen without judgment
• Ask open ended, curious questions versus direct, yes and no
• Listen to the other person for the first five minutes
• Do not finish the sentence of the other person or interrupt
• Pay attention to the body language of the other person
• Listen for what is being said and for what is not

“A Mindful Leadership Story by Len Bardfeld”

“My religion is kindness” – Dalai Lama

I have had a range of job experiences throughout my life: minimum wage, work-study, entry level, and management. Each of these experiences influenced “how I show up” and what I value: hard work, collaboration, listening, and most importantly, treating others with kindness and respect.

One of my first jobs was working in the kitchen of an overnight camp as “veggie boy.” I made salads and prepped vegetables. I did this because in exchange for work, I could attend camp for free. I soon realized the kitchen was understaffed and we would need to work long hours. Unfortunately, the manager did not seem to care about the team’s morale, which sometimes made it tough for everyone to stay motivated. I learned that no matter how difficult a job might be, the importance of taking a deep breath, remaining calm, and completing it – despite my supervisor’s attitude. I also made a promise to myself that I would care about the other people I worked with and contribute to a positive morale.

In another fast food job I was in charge of cooking burgers and making fries. One of my teammates worked the register and struggled with math. Thankfully, we found a way to collaborate and support each other. When she needed help figuring out the change, she would yell out the numbers and I would help her. And when the burgers were being ordered faster than I could cook, she would step in and help. This experience taught me that with collaboration not only are you able to get the job done, but the work is more fun.

In college at Cornell, I had a work-study job and found myself in the kitchen again. I worked a variety of jobs from short order cook to refilling beverage machines, but my favorite was washing pots, pans, and trays. Eggs don’t wash off easily so I decided to look at scrubbing trays as my workout. I would work myself into a sweat and entertain the others by making a lot of noise banging tray, pots and pans. The supervisors noticed how hard I worked and how well I got along with the team and recommended I apply to become a part-time supervisor, which I achieved. I learned that with the right attitude I could work hard, remain grounded, and inspire others.

Once I was promoted to supervise the Cornell kitchen, I focused on treating others with kindness and respect. One day a student was late. When he got there he apologized. I sensed he expected me to chew him out but instead I put myself in his shoes (I was also a student) and told him I understood. Had I not practiced compassion to this fellow student our team would have been worse off – a disenfranchised worker and more work for everyone. This turned out to be a good lesson because he thanked me several times, always showed up on time, and did whatever it took to get the job done.

As I have transitioned into different leadership roles at Procter & Gamble, Dial, and Johnson & Johnson, I continue to practice what I learned from my earlier job experiences. However, I learned I would need new skills.

Because I had always worked in fast paced environments, when I became a manager in the corporate world I thought it was best to offer an opinion as soon as I had one. But that didn’t work. In fact I received harsh, but meaningful feedback to “shut up and listen” from my direct reports during a High Performance Team workshop. As I started to “really listen,” I built trust with my team, learned that solutions became richer, and found my team taking more ownership. That lesson was fifteen years ago, but to this day, I still remind myself to “shut-up and listen,” as its easy to drift back to old habits.

The importance of being kind, remaining calm, working hard, and listening are values I practice everyday.

Len Bardfeld is a Senior Director at Johnson & Johnson Consumer Products Company where he has worked for over sixteen years. He is well regarded and respected by his team – I often hear his colleagues and direct reports describe him as smart, fair, and an effective communicator. He is also known as a caring mentor, as he supports and provides valuable feedback to help others reach their potential and grow in their careers. In addition to being a seasoned professional, Len is a devoted husband and father – Len and his wife have three teenage sons and live in Yardley, PA.

“The Buddha’s teaching is highly radical in its break with essentialist thinking, which usually conceives of the ‘real’ as that which does not change. The Buddha’s view was that absolutely everything was changing and therefore the self was not exempt. As a result, Buddhist thinking conceives of the self as process rather than as a fixed and immutable essence.

”

– John Peacocke, “Investigating the Buddha’s World”

“Saying ‘yes’ to more things than we can actually manage to be present for with integrity and ease of being is in effect saying ‘no’ to all those things and people and places we have already said ‘yes’ to.”

– Jon Kabat-Zinn

“To win in the marketplace, you must first win in the workplace.”
    – Doug Conant, former CEO Campbell’s Soup

In 2013, the State of American Workforce stated that 70% of employees DO NOT LIKE their work and a Gallup survey stated 87% of employees ARE NOT ENGAGED at work.

Recently I had the privilege of working with a leadership team who took time from their busy schedules to reflect on their vision of engagement, where they were, and what needed to be done to close the gap.

Are your direct reports willing to go “above and beyond” to get things done? Are they emotionally committed to each other, your team, and your organization?

What does being “engaged” at work look like?
• Individuals are emotionally committed to each other and the organization’s vision
• Employees innovate, creating valued products and services to meet customers’ needs
• Both small and large wins are acknowledged and celebrated
• Individuals freely accept and provide positive and constructive feedback
• Failing is a part of the process
• Team members take risks and have each others backs
• Employees are having fun

“Benefits” to the business?
• Higher revenues, profits and shareholder returns
• Better performance, retention of high performers, and reduced absenteeism
• More innovative, meaningful products and services
• Happier and engaged employees who like their work

For more information on HOW ORGANIZATIONS like REI, Google, DHL, SAP, MD Anderson Cancer Center, and Southwest foster ENGAGE EMPLOYEES read Forbe’s How the Best Places to Work are Nailing Employee Engagement.