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Through repeated meditation practice, we can build awareness of our existing mental habits. With awareness, there is space—allowing us to interrupt habitual response patterns and bring intention to our responses, choosing to form a different association.

—Wendy Hasenkamp, “Brain Karma”

“Voting is a manifestation of the law of interdependence: Each of our actions, no matter how small, affects the whole cosmos. Our votes count.”

—Susan Moon, “Ten Practices to Change the World”

“Happiness depends on inner peace, which depends on warm-heartedness. There’s no room for anger, jealousy or insecurity. A calm mind and self-confidence are the basis for peaceful relations with others. Scientists have observed that constant anger and fear eat away at our immune system, whereas a calm mind strengthens it. Changing the world for the better begins with individuals creating inner peace within themselves.”

– The Dalai Lama

“Technology as yet cannot come up with any better communication system than a coffee break.” – Readers Digest

Many clients focus on managing their “triggers.” An event happens, a person says something, or a meeting goes wrong and the trigger occurs. It goes with out saying that when a leader becomes triggered, if she doesn’t take a step back and “cool off,” she runs the risk of making bad decisions and ruining relationships.

It’s more common than you think – and while the internal experience of feeling triggered won’t go away, there’s work to be done to manage the external, that is how you want to “show up” as a leader. Clients learn to trust their internal experience (what is this feeling telling me?) and to manage their external behaviors (how do I present myself to the outside world even though I feel this way?).

Strategies that have helped executives stay grounded and remain less reactive include:

• Before a meeting, write down your goals in terms of how you want to “show up” (e.g., remain calm and non-reactive) and check in with yourself during the meeting – am I honoring my goals?
• When you feel triggered, ask to take a coffee (or bathroom) break in order to regroup and reference your goals.
• Take a few minutes to think about what someone might say that could make you feel defensive. Think about what you might say that could make the other person feel defensive. Focus on having a conversation that focuses on what’s best for the relationship and business.
• Limit length of meetings that have potential to become emotionally charged.
• Write the angry email but DO NOT SEND – SAVE IT. Never send anything that is not positive in an email (sounds like common sense, but happens all the time!). Once you’ve cooled off, you can decide how you want to handle the situation. Does this issue need to be resolved in person or over the phone? Or should I let it go?
• Focus on self-awareness and even write down how you feel the moment you become triggered, revisit 24 hours later and ask yourself – “How do I feel now? What’s changed? What did I learn?”

This blog is part of a Mindful Leadership series: A mindful leader is someone who brings out the best in one’s self and others by showing up compassionate, present, and grounded in all situations – especially challenging ones.

“It’s not a matter of letting go – you would if you could. Instead of ‘Let it go,’ we should probably say, ‘Let it be.'” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

Watch this YouTube video and learn about how Jon Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness.

Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD, is internationally known for his work as a scientist, writer, and meditation teacher engaged in bringing mindfulness into the mainstream of medicine and society.

“As a writer and Zen practitioner I hear myself extolling the virtues of patience when I realize that while patience is absolutely necessary, impatience is also necessary . . . The tension that exists between patience and impatience is so fertile. That’s where the energy comes from.”
– Ruth Ozeki, “Memories in the Mirror”

“I just want to do my job, I don’t want to deal with workplace politics.” – every executive coaching client

I have never heard a client say they want to be more political – but it is connected to leading for greater influence and impact  – so might there another way to think about workplace politics?

Think “Impact” versus “Need to Be Right”
Most executives I work with are at a stage in their leadership where their role is more about “how” they show up versus “what” they do. This often means letting go of being right – being the smartest person in the room – in order to strengthen relationships for greater influence and impact to the business.

Many of my clients use the following framework (thinking through and writing down their thoughts) before a meeting:

1. How do I want to “Show Up? What are 3 – 5 things I would like to hear my colleagues say about me after the meeting? (e.g., I listened, remained calm, was thoughtful in my responses, and brought a sense of humor to the meeting).
2. What do I want? What is my goal for this meeting?
3. What does the other person want? What does a successful meeting look like from my colleague’s point of view?
4. What is best for the relationship? What should I say or do in order to further enhance the relationship and lead to more trust?
5. What is best for the business?  What might I be willing to agree to – or let go of – in the short-term in order to achieve greater long-term influence and impact to the business?
6. How do I minimize drama? What do I need to refrain from saying that might trigger the other person and make them feel defensive?
7. How do I remain calm? What could the other person say that might make me feel defensive? How will I prepare myself for the meeting and what will I do so I don’t go into reactive mode? If I do get triggered, how will I get centered again (e.g., suggest coffee or bathroom break).

This blog is part of a Mindful Leadership series: A mindful leader is someone who brings out the best in one’s self and others by showing up present, grounded, and compassonate in all situations – especially challenging ones.