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Recently I coached an executive on how to engage with a senior board member who was known for being rude, verbally abrasive, and overly critical. In particular, my client was concerned about an upcoming board meeting in which he was presenting because this aggressive individual would be attending.

We discussed how a plan of action that included a positive mindset, preparation, and a shift in behavior could go a long way in helping my client show up as his best self.

Here’s what we came up with:

Be prepared: Take the time to prepare yourself for a difficult meeting.  Think through a worst case scenario, explore different strategies for responding, choose one or two, and write it out so you know that it’s there. This will help you be more proactive (versus reactive) in how you engage and show up for this particular situation. By simply preparing for a potentially confrontational conversation, you will be able to remain more confident, grounded, and calm.

Flex your style: Clients often struggle with colleagues who have a more direct and challenging communication style. When communicating with someone who has a direct style – be clear, specific, and to the point. Stick to business by providing facts and figures. Be bright, be brief, be gone.

Use the “Know, Feel, Do” model: What is the content you want them to know? How do you want them to feel? And what’s the call to action? And while this individual may still give you a hard time, at least you’ve done your part walking in with a well thought out and focused message.

Know your strengths: If you’re struggling with confidence (and let’s be honest who isn’t?) take inventory of your natural abilities and accomplishments – write them down and refer to it when you need a boost.

Pause before your react: You don’t need to respond right away. Give yourself time to clear your head: take a deep breath, ground yourself by feeling your feet and touching the floor, and count to ten.

Take the balcony view: Be a third-party observer in your own movie. By having a bit of distance, you will be able to remain more detached and ultimately, show up more confident, grounded, and calm.

Have a heart: While it may feel counterintuitive, having compassion for a difficult individual may help you manage your own triggers and approach the situation a little differently. Someone who shows up rude or abrasive is suffering. Think about how difficult it must be for this person to spend time with him or herself.

Choose curiosity over control: What can you learn from this situation? What new skills are you developing? How will this experience inform how you show up as a leader? In the future, how might you mentor someone else in a similar situation?

Give meditation a chance: A regular meditation practice will improve your mental clarity and reduce the intensity and recovery time of stressful emotional triggers.

Maintain a sense of humor: You might as well have a little fun? Share your story with a funny friend – and have a good laugh about it. What’s the alternative?

Reward yourself: Go ahead, you deserve it! Remember life is to be enjoyed. Once you’ve survived the challenging situation, indulge in self-care, or even a little retail therapy.  A massage or nice meal can replenish and reenergize.

Wonderful image to remind us of how to take care of and replenish ourselves. Courtesy of Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health.

Nobel prize winner, Elizabeth Blackburn, studied the effects of meditation on telomerase activity and telomere length.

Take five minutes to read this article and or watch this video to learn more about the link between meditation and increased telomerase activity and longer telomeres which leads to improved cognitive ability, less negative thoughts, better purpose of life, improved mindfulness, improved overall health, and longer life span.

Give meditation a chance!

Thrilled to launch my first book: Show Up as Your Self: Mindful Leaders, Meditation, & More available on Amazon.

About the Book
In our fast-moving, ever-changing world, leaders at every level face constant distractions and demands. Becoming less reactive and more intentional, focused, and strategic can be daunting. What overwhelmed leaders lack is a powerful quality that, with practice, anyone can develop: mindfulness.

In Show Up as Your Best Self, executive coach Cathy Quartner Bailey presents a roadmap to becoming a more mindful leader. By applying the techniques she has shared with hundreds of Fortune 500 executives, you will learn how to cultivate a mindfulness practice to help you reach your leadership potential by being more confident, decisive, and grounded—even in the midst of chaos.

An expert on this growing trend, Cathy shows how mindfulness is a matter of carving out reflection time and leading with purpose. In a way that’s clear and accessible, she explains how meditation and other forms of reflection can help any leader become more adept at:

* Managing uncertainty * Setting priorities * Listening actively * Solving problems * Developing and maintaining crucial relationships…and more.

Featuring illuminating leadership stories and interactive worksheets, this is a book for everyone striving to become a better leader while enjoying professional fulfillment and personal well-being.
Ten percent of royalties from Show Up as Your Best Self will be donated to Sheltered Yoga, a wonderful nonprofit organization that facilitates mental health and wellness through yoga and mindfulness education.

BJ Miller, a doctor and triple amputee, defines what it means to be a leader. BJ Miller is a hospice and palliative medicine physician who thinks deeply about how to create a dignified, graceful end of life for his patients. Take the time to savor this moving talk, which asks big questions about how we think on death and honor life.

To watch Miller’s TED Talk: What Really Matters at the End of Life click here.

The Time Square New Year’s Eve ball has officially dropped and it’s now 2017! This year I challenge you to let go of harsh resolutions and explore the idea of being kind to yourself. Not a superficial level of kindness but an authentic, deep kindness where you change how you care for and relate to yourself.

Suggestions:

• Refrain from harsh judgment and criticism toward yourself.
• Unconditionally accept yourself – you are enough.
• Treat yourself like you would treat a good friend. A client of mine found that by doing this she felt better about herself and had more self-confidence.
• Remind yourself that it is perfectly okay to be imperfect. Making mistakes are a normal part of life and that most successes have a backstory of failure.
• Drop the people pleasing and learn to say no so that you can say yes to what matters and is important to you.
• Each day commit to practicing activities that create positive energy and generate a feeling of personal well-being (meditation, yoga, spending time in nature, physical exercise, etc.)
• Spend quality time and break bread with people you easily connect with and are fun to be around.
• Limit and avoid spending time with toxic individuals who drain you.

“If you miss the here, you are also likely to miss the there.
If your mind is not centered here, it is likely not to be centered
just because you arrive somewhere else.”
– Jon Kabbat–Zinn