Recently, I heard Glennon Doyle talk about judgment as a survival technique — something I had never really considered before. But as she spoke, the idea that we judge others to protect ourselves began to make sense. It even helped me see and appreciate my mother, who passed away 17 months ago, in a new light. I came to understand that she may have judged others to manage her own emotions and sense of self.

That insight — that we judge others as a form of self-protection — sparked a desire to take a deeper dive into the topic, which I’m exploring in this month’s newsletter.

Why We Judge: A Summary
Judging others is a natural human behavior, rooted in both evolutionary and psychosocial factors. While it can sometimes feel negative or unfair, it serves several psychological and social purposes:

• Mental Shortcuts: We make quick judgments to conserve mental energy and navigate our environments efficiently — a survival tactic that helped early humans assess safety, trustworthiness, and risk.
• Social Norms and Belonging: Judgment reinforces group values by flagging behaviors that don’t align with shared expectations, helping maintain group cohesion and encouraging conformity.
• Self-Esteem and Identity: Comparing ourselves to others can bolster our sense of competence or morality, shaping how we see ourselves in relation to others and within social groups.
• Sense of Control: Judging others gives us a way to organize and predict our interactions, offering a sense of order in an otherwise uncertain and unpredictable world.
• Emotional Regulation: Sometimes, judgment acts as a defense mechanism — allowing us to deflect our own discomfort or insecurities by focusing outward.

Judgment helps us evaluate risk, foster connection and belonging, bolster self-esteem, and make sense of a complex world. The challenge for leaders is learning how to balance this natural tendency with empathy, curiosity, and conscious awareness of our biases.

Why Understanding Our Judging Mind Matters
As leaders – in organizations, communities, and families ­– our role isn’t to eliminate judgment; it’s to notice when it shows up, understand where it’s coming from, and choose how we respond. When we do that well, the benefits cascade across our teams, our culture, and our lives.

What Does this Look Like in Practice?
By fostering psychological safety, curiosity, diversity, and emotional regulation, leaders can help themselves and others manage the downsides of a judgmental mind.

• Psychological Safety: People are more likely to speak up, admit mistakes, and take smart risks when they don’t fear being harshly judged
• Curiosity: Teams feel more connected, engaged, and open with leaders who show up as fair, thoughtful, and curious.
• Diversity: Nonjudgmental environments invite people to share new ideas and different perspectives — even when they challenge the status quo.
• Emotional Regulation: Practicing nonjudgment means regulating your own reactions, tuning into others, and responding with intention — all foundational to strong, human-centered leadership.

How to Manage Our Judging Minds
We can’t turn off our judgment — but we can pause, slow down, and engage our minds more intentionally, allowing space for curiosity, compassion, and more thoughtful leadership.

Here are a few thought questions to help us manage our judging minds:

• Can I pause my initial reactions and shift to a more curious mind state?
• What might I learn from this person’s perspective — especially if it differs from mine or the group’s point of view?
• Especially when I disagree, how can I suspend judgment, truly listen, and mirror back what I’m hearing so the other person feels seen and stays engaged?
• How can I separate the behavior from the person, and avoid taking it personally?
• How can I focus on bringing out the best in this person, even if we’re not naturally aligned?

In Closing
Judging is a natural human tendency — it’s how we make sense of the world and protect ourselves. But when left unchecked, it can lead to bias, disconnection, and missed opportunities.

As leaders, the goal isn’t to eliminate judgment, but to notice it, slow it down, and choose how we respond. When we do, we create space for stronger relationships, better decisions, and more inclusive, high-performing teams.

Deeper Dive
Click here to listen to“Why Am I Like This?” with Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach on the Ten Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris (52 minutes).