Last month, my husband and I attended a workshop called Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Yes, it sounds a little corny, but over the years, I’ve learned that corny can be surprisingly effective! The core idea of the workshop is to cultivate a healthy brain—a state of mind that feels safe and free from danger, rather than operating in survival mode (fight, flight, or freeze).

There were many powerful takeaways, but three stood out to me, and I’d like to share them with you to see if they resonate:

1. Affirmations and the Value of an Evening Appreciation Practice

Each evening, my husband and I take turns sharing three things we appreciate about each other and why. This simple yet powerful practice fosters warmth and strengthens our bond.

To enhance the impact, the recipient can reflect back what they heard by saying something like, “Let me see if I got this. Here’s what I heard…” and then checking for anything missed with, “Did I get it all? Is there more?”

To make it even cornier (and more memorable), we close with the phrase: “You are Wonderful. I am Wonderful. And That’s the Truth.” The intention is to bring a sense of awe, mystery, and wonder to the relationship.

2. Honoring Boundaries

In this practice, when either my husband or I want to speak with the other, instead of interrupting or barging in, we check if it’s a good time to talk or if it would be better to schedule a later time. While it might seem counterintuitive to schedule conversations with someone you live or work with, this approach respects the fact that everyone has their own internal dialogue and mental ‘movie’ playing at any given moment.

It’s as simple as asking, “Is now a good time to talk? If not, when would work for you?” This small change has created a calmer atmosphere in our home, reducing unnecessary tension.

3. The Zero Negativity Challenge

This challenge involves shifting from judgment to curiosity and affirmation, and consciously avoiding shaming, criticizing, or blaming. The world can often feel like a hostile place, and this practice creates a more peaceful and trusting partnership while reducing everyday anxiety.

What is Negativity? Negativity is any behavior that someone else experiences as harmful or critical. It’s rooted in our innate negativity bias—a tendency to focus on what’s wrong with people, situations, or the world. To improve relationships and boost happiness, we need to actively ‘do the work’ to be more positive.

Examples of Negative Behaviors:

• Showing irritability or impatience while someone is talking.
• Immediately correcting or refuting what someone else says.
• Interrupting or changing the subject to yourself.
• Dismissing or denying the other person’s experience.

By moving away from these habits and replacing them with curiosity and validation, we’ve created a more peaceful and harmonious feeling in our partnership and home.

Applying These Practices Beyond Personal Relationships

While these practices are designed to enhance the quality of romantic partnerships, I believe they have valuable applications in organizational settings as well. I challenge you to experiment with these ideas and see which ones resonate in your work or community environments.

Sometimes, the smallest changes can make the biggest difference. Why not give it a try?

Additional Resources:

• Click here to read How to Talk with Anyone about Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen Lakely Hunt, Ph.D.
• Click here to read Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen Lakely Hunt, Ph.D.