When was the last time someone really made you angry? And even though you’re clear about why you’re right, and they’re wrong, and your closet allies, including your mom and best friend agree with you, there’s one small obstacle, you still need to work with that person (albeit with better boundaries).

For example, it might be to get your colleague to stop a certain unacceptable behavior, like talking about you behind your back. It could be to get your peer down the hall to stop making decisions that impact your team without informing or consulting with you first.

So how might you settle matters with this person, that is improve your situation and get what you want, without causing World War III in the process?

Working along with clients, we’ve created a two-step process: how to prepare and how to engage in critical conversations so that you are better able to stay grounded, calm and be an effective communicator.  Feel free to email me at [email protected] and we’ll be happy to send you our tool just write: “How to Effectively Manage Conflict” in the subject.

Back in the 90’s when I was single, dating and living in New York City a friend shared her concern for me because I was not following the formula prescribed in “The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right.” In fact, according to her, I was breaking the rules…and therefore guaranteed to remain a single women living in NYC for the rest of my years.

23 years later as a wife, mother and executive development consultant, I still find myself seeking out my own way as well as encouraging my clients (and kids!) to find their own voice and resist the so called “experts” and their formulas.

The philosophy that a person is an expert in their own life (versus the coach), doesn’t always sit well. I few years back, I was working for a firm that wanted me to replace a client’s mantra, one that had been working for her since she was 8 years old, with their own formula mantra, something they created based on the “research.” Needless to say, the owner asked me to leave the company, but first he gave me an earful, yelling at me that I took my clients for granted and all my business would dry up. I was a little shaken up after that conversation but called my friend Joan who encouraged me to ignore that so called “expert” and listen to my own voice. Thankfully, it’s about 5 years later, and my business has never been more fulfilling or busier.

So while there is an educational process to learning more about what it means to be a better partner, parent, employee or leader, and yes the research can be useful, ultimately, it is our own responsibility to find out what works for us. We are all different. What works beautifully for one person, doesn’t necessarily work for another. People behave, communicate and lead differently.

But what successful individuals have in common is something I call mindful leadership. That is, showing up in a way that brings out the best in those around them.

If you have a minute or two, drop a line [email protected], and let me know what’s going on in your life. How are you building trust and finding happiness with your team.  Always love to hear from you!